Always
by galesong1234
Summary: Chandra Amell. Commander/Mage/Chancellor/Mistress to king.Savior of Ferelden falls from glory and Alistair is to marry Ellisa Cousland. Chandra finds love in the arms of her enemy, Nathaniel Howe. Will her true identity make a difference?  M-just incase
1. Darkspawn Flesh and Blood Baths

_Please bare with me as I attempt to flesh our Chandra's relationship with Alistair (in the first couple of chapters) before I introduced Nethaniel Howe into the mix. I was drawn to Nethaniel Howe's dark intensity from DAO: Awakenings; thus, I could not resist making him a main love interest for my character._

_Your time is very precious, and I hope it will be well spent. Thank you in advance for your time and thoughts. _

_Galesong1234_

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_I decided to take out all the beginning narrative. Thought it too wordy. _

_Thank you for adding my story to your favorites list. It's very flattering. It encourages me to write more. Thank you. Galesong._

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**Chapter 1**

**Darkspawn Flesh and Blood Baths**

"What I wouldn't give to see open sky, fresh air and have a bath," I thought to myself. I would even be willing to kiss Oghren. I looked over at the stalky dwarf with bright red hair and quickly changed by mind. Better off kissing Leliana's new pet nug, Schmoogles, surely it was more sanitary.

We had just left the Diamond quarter, which held Orzammar's nobility, and was making our way through the Commons. I had promised Oghren that we could stop into Tapster's Tavern so that he could pickup some supplies before we left. There was no way I could tell him no, especially after killing his wife. Oghren didn't completely hate me though; even he had agreed that Branka was a few darkspawn short of a Blight.

"For Prince Bhelen!" I heard the battle cry long before I had a visual of the motley band of armored dwarves. Obviously, they didn't know that Bhelen and his cronies were dead. I imagine even now that their bodies still littered the Chamber of the Assembly as we had just come from there. Bhelen would still be amongst the living had he conceded.

"Andraste's burning knickers, not again." I quickly glanced at Alistair who just shrugged and pulled out his sword. I performed a 'massive paralysis' spell on the group of charging dwarves. The handful of dwarves stood froze in various battle stances unable to move even their eyes as they stared straight ahead.

I walked up to the ring-leader and jabbed my fore-finger into his armored chest. "I am sick unto death of being everyone's errand girl..._ (tap-tap-tap)..._I am tired_...(tap)..._I smell like a nug_...(tap-tap)..._I am covered in darkspawn blood from head to toe." My forefinger kept its rhythm. "And, to make things worse," pulling at my gore incrusted hair, "I am having a really bad hair day. So I ask you...do you really want to try your luck with me?"

I spun around and shot Alistair a warning glance, "What!"

"Love...err....um..." Interrupted Alistair as he rubbed the back of his neck thoughtfully and pointed at my hair, "There's a piece of _(cough)_ darkspawn...in...hair."

That's all it took for Oghren, who had been biting down on his gloved hand till tears were running down his rosy cheeks, to break out into a fit of uncontrollable laughter. Even the demur, lady-like Leliana could not contain her own mirth.

I looked up rather cross-eyed to see the dangling object of their amusement. Completely mortified, I pulled out the fleshy piece of Genlock from my hair and flung it aside in disgust. The piece of darkspawn landed smack between the eyes of the unfortunate Bhelen sympathizer I had just reprimanded. The thawing dwarf looked like he had just swallowed his own bile. I performed another paralysis spell then stomped off towards Tapster's Tavern.

"It's not like we are laughing at you..." I heard Alistair behind me followed by, surprise, more laughter. If I had not been so furious, I would have thought more on the 'love' part.

* * *

I pulled open the heavy door of Tapster's Tavern and entered with one thing in mind. To drowned out all my concerns in a tankard of ale. What better place than a dwarven ale house known for some of the strongest and rankest brews around? I looked around for the closest seat I could find, one preferrably next to the bar. I found one just left of the door away from foot traffic but still close enough to not be overlooked by the serving wenches.

"Afternoon, stranger. You looking for a stool to share a brew?" He was a stout gentleman wearing armor that had seen many battles. He had a warm welcoming smile that was mostly hid behind a thick braided mustache and beard. Then again they were all stout, with braided mustaches and beards, including the men. It put a kink in my neck just thinking about them.

"Don't mind if I do." I tried to present a pleasant smile contrary to how I was really feeling and looked. Stool, now that was funny. The dwarf patted the seat next him. I sat or rather fell onto the hard stone slab and tucked my long legs in front of me.

"I recommend the lichen-ale," my new friend suggested. I took his word on it and ordered one from serving girl wearing a greasy apron and hair.

"My name's Nevin, yourself," he asked. I tipped my tankard and drank long and deeply until half was gone. All too quickly I coughed and spewed its contents.

"Should have told you that they brew it like downstairs," Nevin warned. I gave him a confused look.

Chills ran down the whole of my body, "Chandra,_" _I coughed and cleared my throat,_ "_...name's Chandra, I'm a Grey Warden." Nevin continued listening to me. "Mages don't drink, but have been informed that Grey Wardens do," I offered as an explanation and finished with another swig.

"Figured as much. Good folks, Wardens. I was in the Deep Roads when that one came by. What was his name?" continued Nevin as he twirled his braided beard reflectively, "Doocan, Dunca....? Something like that." I motioned for the serving girl to bring another round.

" You knew Duncan," questioned Alistair as if on cue. He walked to where Nevin and I were seated. I quickly scooted over letting Alistair sit next to Nevin. Leliana walked over to the raised dias and asked to borrow a lute. It wasn't long before she was playing with the dwarven minstrels, pleasure clearly written across her feminine features.

Alistair slid into the seat I had just vacated, our bodies touching but not. Oghren took up the seat on the other side of me with two tankards in hand. Nevin continued on, "I met him, sure good man..."

A numb feeling descended through my body. Whether it was from the effects of the ale or my leg falling asleep, I did not know. I reached down and tried to discreetly rub life into my numbed thigh that was closest to Alistair's own muscular thigh. Unable to stretch out my leg to increase the blood flow, discretion quickly gave way to a frenzied stroking. I was so concentrated in my efforts that I failed to notice the interested looks of the other patrons until I felt Alistair's warm hand across my own.

Alistair's long fingers draped across my hand and caused it to stop its persistent motion. He gave my hand a gentle squeeze and placed my hand, in his, on top the table. This happened about the same time the music had stopped.

"Warden, you're okay," hooted Oghren as he saved my day. Oghren gave my back a good hard slap and downed another tankard of his own.

Without skipping a beat the music and Nevin picked up where they left off, "...Solid. He knew what we go through in the Deep Roads. Not many do. Not even the ones who live this close..."

I stared, for what seem like an eternity, at Alistair's hand as it lingered on mine. I made a quick look at him through the tangles of my hair. He was watching me with that stupid lop-sided smile of his. I ripped my hands out of his and looked for a distraction, Oghren. "Oghren," I said more loudly.

"What'cha need, Warden?" slurred Oghren.

"Can you teach me to fight like you do?" I heard my own self say as I ran the words together.

"You want to be a berserker? Ha! Thought I'd never see the day." Oghren replied rather surprised. I tried to give him my most serious look and hiccupped.

"No, see, it's funny because you'll never be able to do it. A mage wants to be a berserker." Oghren continued to laugh at me.

I squared off my shoulders and challenged, "Are you sure you even know how?"

"What, you don't see me waist deep in entrails every time I sodding step up to fight?" sputtered Oghren as he sprayed a mouthful of ale across the table narrowly missing Devin.

"Thanks for the drink, but I should go," Devin briskly sat up, excused himself and took care of his bill before he left.

I gave a little wave to Devin, who obviously ignored me, and returned to my conversation with Oghren, "You're handling this well."

"Handling what?" belched Oghren.

"Branka," I added drunkenly.

"Branka? Psht. That treasure's been long buried. Ancestors take me, you people whine like teakettles around here...reminds me, I gotta take a piss." My eyes followed Ohgren's drunken departure and then came to rest on Alistair.

"If you were raised in the chantry - have you never...?" I blurted out the first thing that came to mind. I couldn't stop thinking about his hands.

"Never" Never what? Had a pair of shoes," teased Alistair. I leaned my cheek against my propped up hand and tried to focus on the Alistair that wasn't moving.

"You know what I mean." I demanded. The corners of Alistair's mouth turned up into one of his disjointed smiles.

"I'm not sure I do. Have I never seen a basilisk? Ate jellied ham? Have never licked a lamppost in winter?" My head swam with all Alistair's questions.

"Now you're making fun of me." Alistair easily ducked away from my balled up fist and my knuckles scraped against his armor instead.

"Make fun of you, dear lady?" Alistair caught my hand in his as I was about to pull it away in pain, "Perish the thought. Well, tell me..."

"Tell you what," I mumbled as I fixed my eyes again on his hand over mine the pain completely forgotten. Alistair tugged me closer to him until he had my attention.

"Have you ever a licked a lamppost in winter?" Alistair looked down at my upturned face and accentuated each word of his question.

"Don't be such an idiot," I pulled my hand out of his and tried to take a drink from my empty cup. "No, I've never licked a lamppost in winter," I defended myself knowing somehow I had missed the point of this conversation.

"Good, I hear it's quite painful. I remember one of the younger initiates did it on a dare..." I tried to wrap my head around what Alistair was trying to tell me. It was quite evident that I had somehow hurt his feelings. I continued to listen. He finished with, " There was pointing and laughing...Oh, the humanity."

For a moment Alistair watched me, his scrutiny was just a little unnerving. My hands looked for something to do. I attacked the snarls in my hair with great bravado; it seemed I could not keep it out of my eyes. Alistair reached over and stopped me. In doing so, his hand brushed across my cheek. The action, though chaste, felt very intimate. For a moment I was sober. Alistair held my gaze and continued, "I, myself, have never done it. That. Not that I haven't thought about it. Of course...but you know..."

"You never...never had the opportunity?" I questioned thoughtfully only getting half the point.

"Well, living in the Chantry, is...not exactly a life for rambunctious boys. They taught me to be a gentleman," Alistair paused for effect, "especially in the presence of a beautiful woman such as yourself. That's not so bad, is it?"

"You think I'm beautiful?" I squealed excitedly as I jumped up out of my seat and gave a little clap before falling onto Alistair.

"Of course you are, and you know it." He tweaked my nose as if I were a child, " You're ravishing, resourceful, and all those other things you'd probably hurt me for saying."

I leaned closer until our lips were a breath away from touching and slurred, "I would never hurt you."

"Nor I you," Alistair confessed softly. I tilted my head, puckered my lips and waited...

"I think you forgot a piece." I heard Alistair say reminding me of how I looked at that moment. I opened my eyes in time for me to see Alistair pull a piece of flesh out of my hair.

"Let us be off, lest your risqué talk makes my ears blush," laughed Alistair.


	2. March of the Misfits

_I just made a few minor changes to this chapter. Thank you, Galesong_

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Chapter 2

**March of the Misfits**

"Give me a moment," requested the stout, drunk dwarf at my side. Oghren had decided to join our merry band of misfits and at this moment I was in no condition to stop him. We stepped out into the cool air leaving Orzammar behind.

"Sure, take your time." I slurred. I was in no hurry and I was feeling no pain.

"By the stone, I feel I'm about to fall off the world with all that sky up there." I looked up into the open sky that Oghren had just described and shielded my eyes from the hazy light. I felt slightly off balance by its vastness. So much so that I lost my footing on the last step that lead to Orzammar. My arms flailed about in search of a champion. Too late! I found myself face down, ear deep, in mud.

"And this is why mages should not drink," said my, too late, would be champion.

I slapped Alistair's hand away in annoyance, "I can handle myself no thanks to you."

"I can see that," Alistair surmised. I swore to my self, if Alistair smiled in that infuriating way of his, I would turn him into a toad. Obviously, Alistair knew the power I wielded in my little finger and he simply stepped away to leave me to my own devices.

I sat back on my haunches and swiped the mud away from my eyes. I looked up at my companions. Oghren was doubled over pounding his chest as if trying to breathe. Leliana held her hand in front her mouth to stifle her own laughter. Alistair? I forfeited my dignity and decided to bestow him with a glance. He extended his hand out to me again. This time I took it. Maybe that lopsided smile wasn't so infuriating. Just maybe it was quite endearing.

Alistair helped me to my feet. Why was he looking at me like that? I would have felt less vulnerable, had he just laughed at me as the others did. Why did he have to be so...so difficult?

I dusted off my backside, thus restoring my dignity. Alistair had released my hand, but I could still feel his eyes on me as I turned to Oghren and asked, "Is it that strange to you?"

"Strange? Ha! Strange is your wife turning out to prefer the ladies? Not living in a world without a bleeding ceiling." I did not have a reply for Oghren and I expected the dwarf did not want one.

"Well, let's get moving. We're loosing....whachamacallit? Daylight." I watched as Oghren marched ahead as if he alone knew where our camp was.

Without any further ado, I turned on my heel and followed after Oghren. Leliana hummed a happy little tune and Alistair followed into step behind.

* * *

Soft feathery kisses caressed my neck making my toes curl in pure delight. His insistent nibbles wreaked havoc with my ear causing me to groan, "Oh, Alistair!" I reached over and....

Screamed! It had been Leliana's pet nug. Then I screamed again, because I knew what I looked like. Yesterday had not been some horrid dream. I screamed one last time and clasped my hands over my aching head. The pain was more excruciating than the Joining and Harrowing combined.

Alistair was the first to plow through my tent followed by a breathless Leliana and a rather large Sten who could only poke his head in. I pulled my blanket over my head to cloak my face and pointed towards the opening. Words would not come. My tongue was swollen in place, parched and dehydrated, as if I had sucked on a bucket of lemons to squelch my thirst.

"Did that mean lady scare you, Schmoogles?" I more or less heard Leliana reach in and take her pet nug away. That left Alistair and Sten blocking the entrance of my tent.

"Are you sure you are a Grey Warden? This is pointless...we should be killing darkspawn," grumbled Sten as he turned and walked away. I almost laughed, in spite of the pain, when I saw the telltale signs of cookie crumbs on Sten's swarthy face as he turned away.

With only Alistair left, I peaked up at him through the safety of my blanket. He was standing there watching me. A slice of sunshine caught at the flecks of his amber eyes. They twinkled with warmth and humor. His sensual mouth twitched. Maker, no! That exasperating man stooped over and laughed till he held his ugly guts.

"Get out!" I screamed and pointed. I reached for and threw a bundle of clothes at him only to have Alistair catch them in mid-air. I let my disguise fall and reached for something sharper. Alistair laughed all the more harder when he saw my matted hair and mud crusted face. He did not laugh as hard when I threw my sheathed dagger towards his head which he easily deflected.

"Ok! Ok, I get the point. Get it? Point?" chuckled Alistair as he ducked out of my tent still holding the bundle.

I flung the blanket back over my head, sank back down onto my bedroll and groaned inwardly. There was no way for me to escape the humility of it all. Even more defeating, the day had just begun.

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I waited for what seemed a sufficient amount of time to pass in hopes of making a hasty escape to a nearby stream. I grabbed a drying cloth, crawled out of my tent and peered over the top. Morrigan's dark head was bent over reading Flemeth's Grimoire; Sten was patrolling the grounds as usual; Leliana was comforting her pet nug; Oghren was still passed out where he had fallen the night before; and Alistair was nowhere to be found.

I couldn't afford to wait. As Oghren had duly pointed out, we were wasting daylight. I threw the cloth over my head and slinked behind the tents until I reached the small clearing; thereupon, I made a mad dash for a densely populated growth of trees.

I reached the stream and knelt down on a bed of moss and ferns. The stream was fed by the melting snow from the mountains above Orzammar. I knew the water would be ice cold. For the first time in many months I looked down at the reflection that stared up at me. It was worse than I thought.

I brushed away some of the dirt to reveal more brown spots. Freckles now marred my once porcelain skin. What were those wrinkles? I tried to rub out the lines that furrowed my brow. Next, I ran my fingers through my drab hair. They got stuck midway. I yanked hard and pulled out a clump. It looked like a giant spider. I watched it float away. Freckles, wrinkles and snarls this is what my life had come to since I left the Tower. It was hopeless. I felt hopeless. I plunged my head deep into the stream and cried.

Any thoughts of an early death were postponed as I felt strong lean fingers reach behind and hoisted me up out of the water by the back of my armor.

"Maker's breath, what are you trying to do?" Alistair deposited me back on the bank and waited for me to answer.

"Wash my face. What did you think I was doing?" I grabbed up the cloth and started patting my hair dry.

"Yes, I can see you were doing a thorough job of it." He leaned against a tree. I watched as his foot casually crossed over the other.

"Well, I thought to myself....Maybe, she might need these?" Alistair dangled my small clothes in front of me.

My dark eyes widened at the sight of my unmentionables. "Give them back," I demanded indignantly as I tried to reach for them.

Alistair evaded my futile grasp. "You mean these," Alistair smirked as he twirled my small clothes around.

I sprung into the air and lunged at a very surprised Alistair. The momentum sent us both toppling over into an embankment. I realized, too short, the precarious position I had placed my self in straddled across Alistair as I was. I felt Alistair's warm breath against the juncture of my cleavage that threatened to spill over my studded leather armor.

When he didn't answer I looked down at him. His breathing was labored and he looked up at me strangely. I seized the moment to grab my unmentionables from him and sat up. I waved my prize in front of him and gave a triumphant guffaw.

Any sense of propriety had been replaced by Alistair's need for discretion. In one aqueous ambulation, Alistair drew me to his broad chest and deftly rotated himself above me. Shock was replaced with dismay as I struggled against my assailant.

"Sheesh, woman...You're killing me with your infernal fidgeting." A bemused smile played across Alistair's honey tanned face as he hovered over me.

"Get off! You're crushing me, you lack-brain." I twisted and bucked against Alistair's immovable form. My thigh butted against something hard and it was not his armor. My eyes grew wide with a knowing astonishment.

I watched Alistair's face turn several shades of red before he answered, "You are one of the most exasperating women I know."

"Oh? And I suppose you've known allot," I quipped. I turned my head away refusing to look at him any longer. I was afraid to hear his answer.

"No! I have only had the pleasure of your company," Alistair admitted honesty. I turned my head to look at him again. His face was inches from mine. I couldn't decide if he was jesting with me or was...

Alistair changed his position so that he inclined vertically to the side of me. He leaned on his elbow and looked down at me where I still laid. "So all this time we've spent together..." He plucked some earth from my hair and studied it for a moment before he continued, "You know...the tragedy, the brushes with death, the constant battles with the whole Blight looming over us....Will you miss it once it's over?"

"There will always be battles to fight somewhere," I answered matter of factually.

"But that doesn't mean we would be fighting them together." I listened as Alistair's playful questioning turned to something more serious.

I propped myself up on my own elbow to listen to the handsome Grey Warden at my side. Alistair did not notice me as he looked at something in the distance and continued without stopping, "I know it...might sound strange, considering we haven't known each other for very long..." Alistair gave me a sideways glance, "...but I've come to care for you a great deal. I think maybe it's because we've gone through so much together. I don't know. Or maybe I'm imagining it. Maybe I'm fooling myself."

So intent was I on listening to Alistair's confession that I failed to notice that he had stopped to look at me. His eyes held mine with that impenetrable gaze of his. "Am I? Fooling myself? Or do you think you might ever...feel the same way about me?"

I looked at him in stunned silence as my mind rattled off the events of the past months. All the decisions I made in hopes that I would not disappoint him. The guilt I carried for not saving Connor. The anguish I felt from his anger towards me for it. The hope that I held that he would see me as a Grey Warden and not a mage. The fact, that just a day ago, I threw myself at him only to be rejected. I thought of all these things and more.

I answered Alistair the only way I could, "I don't know. It's too soon to say."

"Is it too soon for this...?" Alistair reached over and drew me close to him. His lips brushed across mine in the lightest of touches as if awaiting my response. They teased and nibbled until I sighed. He tasted like he looked. He tasted like honey.

My eyes remained open as his lips slashed across mine. I watched as his eyes remained shut and his lips tested mine. I studied him long enough for my eyes to cross and he turned into a one-eyed Cyclops. It was then that I closed my eyes and responded in kind.

Alistair pulled away from our sweet embrace and I forgot his question. Oh yes, something about his lips? His kiss…

I kissed the side of his mouth then paved a trail across his lightly stubbled cheek. I skimmed across his defined jaw and even tasted the saltiness of his corded throat. Finally, I nudged him with my nose and whispered in his ear, "I don't know. I need more testing to be sure."

"Well, I'll have to arrange that, then. Won't I?" Alistair chuckled. It was deep and throaty. It took no time for his lips to find mine. He pushed me down onto the damp earth. His fingers laced through my tangled hair the same time our tongues entwined. They battled and played until we were both breathless and Alistair again pulled away.

I looked up at Alistair. I'm sure my face was as flushed as his. He looked down at me and I trembled at what he said next, "Maker's breathe, but you're beautiful. I am a lucky man."

His voice wavered, so filled with deep emotion, then he cleared his throat and said, "Now lets get back to....what we were up to before. Lest I forget why we're here."

And the dream was gone...


	3. Roads Less Traveled

_I want to thank everyone who put me on their favorites list. Your time and patience mean everything to me. This chapter was a little harder for me. Truthfully, they're all hard for me. However, I ran into a brick wall with this one. This wall being...point of view._

_I hope to get the other one out sooner. I have no excuse but work and family. Thank you again. Please enjoy or criticize if you wish. Greatfully, Galesong_

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**Chapter 3**

**Roads Less Traveled**

They say the road less traveled is more dangerous. I would beg to differ. At least that is what I tried to persuade one simpleton Grey Warden and the rest of my companions.

There are worse things than bandits and darkspawn horde. There are things that have escaped the thinning veil that few have been fortunate enough not to see. Blight taints the land and blood controls the magic. Only Morrigan seemed to recognize the potential hazards of traveling the road that curved around Lake Calenhad.

We used Gherlen's Pass to make our way to lower ground. It was Alistair's idea to follow the Imperial Highway, which snaked around the lake, then backtrack through the Frostback Mountains. From there we were to search out Brother Genitivi in the Village of Haven. He was to have valuable knowledge on the whereabouts of the Urn of Sacred Ashes. This information was purchased by the blood of many knights sent by Redcliffe.

In my pack I carried the treaties of three nations: The mages from the Circle of Magi, the elves of the Dales and the dwarves of Orzammar. Their leaders had sworn allegiance to us and our cause. Finding the urn was the last piece we needed to put into play the events that would end the Blight and seize Loghain's mounting power and control over Ferelden. I wasn't sure how these events would transpire nor if Andraste's ashes would even heal the Arl. I, their fearless leader, wasn't even sure of where we were going.

Darkness was fast descending upon us as we wove through the evergreens of the dense forest. With the approaching night came the fog. It covered the dark soil like a thick diaphanous blanket making it hard to maneuver around the obstacles in our path. The creatures behind the glowing yellow eyes were held at bay by warding spells that Morrigan and I had cast and maintained. Leliana kept her bow cocked and stepped lightly as she followed closely behind Alistair. Oghren and Sten brought up the rear.

I looked over my shoulder and watched my fellow drunk stagger and fall across the bumpy terrain. Occasionally, Sten would pick up Ohgren by the scruff of his armor and set him back on foot. The giant qunari was disgruntled to say the least. Morrigan's own silence was another matter as she paced herself with me. I made a mental note to talk to her later.

I unintentionally fixed my gaze upon Alistair as he meandered ahead of us. My pounding head found relief in watching his pack and shield sway to the steady beat of his purposeful stride. With the treaties secured, Alistair was more than ever determined to see that his uncle was healed. Eamon had been poisoned by the blood mage, Jowan. I, myself, found my own feet slow to respond. I was in no hurry to divulge to the Arl that I was behind the death of his son.

"You _killed_ Connor! You _killed_ him. A little boy, how could you? I just don't know how you could do it…how you could make that decision? I owe my uncle more than this." Alistair's words resonated in my ears and plunged deep into my heart. Even now I could still feel the dagger being wrenched into place.

I was going to kill him; at least that was my intention. Connor was an abomination. I went to his room to confront the demon. A desire demon had taken possession of the boy. We fought as we slipped in and out of the fade until the vessel lacked the strength for the demon to fight any longer. She had offered me the world. She had offered me Alistair. For a moment I had entertained the thought, but I refused. I had to refuse. Even with the child on the brink of death, she had declined to release her hold on the boy.

Images of the demon surfaced in my mind. I remembered looking down at the demon who had become the boy once more. He looked vulnerable and weak laying there as he did, but Connor was anything but harmless. He was responsible for calling upon the demon and using its power to manifest the walking dead. The rotting corpses had killed a great many villagers and servants of Redcliffe. It could have been far worse had we not come when we did.

I remembered holding the blade over my head to take the final blow when the Arlessa rushed at me. I had read the murderous intent on her face as well as her fear. I recalled stepping aside and bracing myself to receive the force of her fury. She ran to her son instead and threw herself across him.

I had mentally flinched when she pleaded and begged for her son's life, "_DON'T KILL MY BABY; I'M BEGGING YOU! _You…you're a woman. What if this was your son? Tell me you wouldn't move mountains to save him."

In that single moment the scales had lifted from my blinded eyes and I no longer saw an abomination. I saw me as a child. I wondered if it had been difficult for my own mother to see me taken away. Would she have had the strength to keep my powers from my father? I knew my father to be an honorable man, much like the Arl. I had swiftly quelled my heart against such thoughts; it was far better to not travel down that road.

"…I'm sorry I called her, mother. It hurts! Make it stop!" I remembered Connor's pain-filled words. They had brought me out of my reverie.

"I will, baby, I will. I'll…make the pain stop." I had watched as the Arlessa consoled her dying son between sobs.

"I – I'm very sorry, Lady Isolde," I had whispered. The only comfort I could offer the mother was to hand her my dagger. It is a tragedy I had hoped to never to repeat again.

As far as anyone knew Connor had died by my hand and not his mothers. I brushed the tears away from my burning eyes, and then touched my lips. I remembered Alistair's honeyed kiss. The memory of this morning had disappeared like a dream in the mists. It seemed so far away and I was so very tired.

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_(Alistair)_

"Tell me, Alistair, is it the templar in you or are you truly that daft?" Morrigan was the last person I wanted to see tonight. Camp had been struck and I was making my rounds when she materialized out of nowhere.

"I would have to say it's neither. It's all you, Morrigan. You're just a bitch." I tried to ignore her, but as usual I took her bait.

"Naturally, it is not for you." I glanced down at the blanket Morrigan had tossed at my feet and gave her a blank look.

"Don't you have something else to do? Like bark at the moon," I suggested as I watched Morrigan scuttle off into the darkness towards her tent.

I picked up and dusted off the blanket. I despised the fact that Morrigan was always right, and I disliked myself more for not figuring it out on my own. While one mage antagonized me at every turn the other befuddled my every thought. However, both mages addled my templar sense of decorum.

My eyes found the object of my current broodings. She was sitting on a length of driftwood near the lake apart from camp. I looked down at the blanket draped over my arm and then at my love offering in the other hand and calculated my chances. I stole a quick glance at Chandra. Her back was against me as she looked at the glassy surface of the lake. Either way my chances were not good.

I hadn't talked to her since…_I held her in my arms and kissed her_….this morning. I had been running circles in mind and I still didn't know what to say. How could I tell her that she made me crazy every time I was around her? I didn't want to look like a fool in her eyes; yet, all I could do is smile like a dolt when I was near her. I wanted to tell her that I loved the moments we have shared together, her nervous laugh and that look in her eyes when she didn't think I was looking. When did I decide she was everything I ever wanted, but was afraid to try? So, in the end, I didn't say anything.

"Well, aren't you little miss grumpy girdle. Here I am trying to get your attention all day and you just ignore me," I interrupted Chandra's meditation with a last minute fabricated lie.

"Blast it," I muttered under my breath then continued more loudly, "I'm sorry, I... I didn't mean for it to come out like that."

"What do _you_ want, Alistair? I'm tired," Chandra sighed heavily. I looked into her dark enigmatic eyes. At the moment they were drawn together in a peculiar, but not unflattering way.

"You're cute when you get all irritable, you know that. You get this little knot right between your…" I reached out to touch her creased brow, but stopped when I saw her pull away, "Oh, never mind."

The silence between us amplified the queasiness in my stomach and the uncertainty I was feeling. I looked down once more at the two items I held…_comfort _or_ love?_ I let out a long slow breath and decided upon the route most honest.

I swallowed hard and held out my token of affection, "Here, look at this. Do you know what this is?

"Is that a trick question," quizzed Chandra. She looked displeased. Things were never easy when they concerned Chandra. I mustered the courage to continue.

"Yes, absolutely, I'm trying to trick you. Is it working? Aw, just about had you, didn't I?" I brandished my _token_ like small blade in front of Chandra to emphasize each question. It ended with a disheartening snap.

"Fine! It's a rose, I see that," Chandra humored me.

My courage, like the rose, sagged against the weight of Chandra's retort. I looked down at the withered blossom; it drooped over my large clumsy hand where it had splintered. I watched as a darkened petal fell to the ground and shattered along with my hopes.

"I picked it Lothering," I heard myself continue, "I remembered thinking…"How could something so beautiful exist in a place with so much depression and ugliness?"I probably should have left it alone, but I couldn't. The darkspawn would come and their taint would just destroy it. So I've had it ever since."

"That long?" I watched as Chandra's disconcerting lips curved into the slightest of smiles,"You should have left it for the darkspawn; it probably would have had a better chance at survival."

"Ouch. Now I'm wounded. Look at me, bleeding all over the place. You're just not very nice, are you?" There was no salvaging my fragile ego. The only thing I had left to defend myself with was my charm, wit and personality. That I had in spades.

She paused from her quick-witted banter and studied for me for a moment. I chafed under her perusal. I looked for something to distract me, anything. My salvation came in the form of a rock embedded in the ground under my foot. Seconds passed and she still had not said anything. I continued to chip away the dirt from the rock with the heel of my boot. I just about had it unearthed; all it needed was one good solid kick…

"Oh, sod!" I watched Chandra's feet fly over her head as she toppled over. I walked slowly towards her, "Clearly this is all just a misunderstanding. We'll laugh about this later. Chandra?"

There was no answer. I ran to where Chandra had fallen and knelt down next her listless form. I scooped her up and held her to my chest. She did not move. My heart pounded. I could hear the blood rushing in my ears. I pushed her dark hair aside to get a better view of her face. It was difficult to make out under the moonlit night. I thought I saw the makings of a bruise on her left temple. My hand shook as I splayed my fingers across her chest...

"Feeling a little thorny…are we," questioned Chandra.

I closed my eyes at the sound of Chandra's voice. Relief washed over me like a soothing balm. I slowly let out the breath that I still held and silently thanked the Maker. I looked back down at Chandra. She smiled impishly as she twirled my discarded rose between her thumb and forefinger.

I tried to look wounded and replied in my most serious tone, "Oh, ha-ha, that's so funny I just about feinted."

"I can arrange for that," laughed Chandra as she wound her fingers in my hair and pulled my face down to hers. I chuckled briefly at hearing my own words being repeated before I was lost in Chandra's kiss.

_Slow down girl, you're not going anywhere_

_Just wait around and see_

_Maybe I'm much more, you never no what lies ahead_

_I promise I can be anyone, I can be anything_

_I promise I can be what you need_

I reluctantly pulled away from Chandra and searched her face. Her lips were parted and slightly moist from our kiss. She slowly opened her eyes and bit at her bottom lip. That was my undoing. I cleared my throat and tried to find my voice, "Well, all right then. About the rose, I thought that I might…give it to you, actually."

"Cute! Just what every girl wants…a shriveled up dead rose." Chandra crinkled her nose, sniffed the wilted flower and then sneezed. I watched the remaining petals disintegrate along with the remainder of my charm, wit and personality.

I leaped to my feet so abruptly that Chandra hit the ground in an unladylike heap. I started pacing. I didn't bother to respond to Chandra's colorful metaphors. "Cute?" I stopped in front of her, "Cute? Just what I was aiming for. What else can I do? Write a poem? Pull your hair? I just saw the rose and…" I pushed a frustrated hand through my hair and sighed heavily, "…I love you."

I watched as several emotions paraded across Chandra's adorable face but was thoroughly unprepared for what she said next, "So…are we married now?"

"Ha! You won't land me that easily, woman!" I helped Chandra to her feet and drew her into my embrace, "I know I'm quite the prize, after all, no need to start crying on me or anything." I kissed her upturned nose and then I captured her enticing lips with my own.

"So, you love me," questioned Chandra as she interrupted our kiss.

"I... did I say I love you? Do you... have any particular opinion on my saying that," I smiled down at her and went back to nibbling her ear.

"Sounds good. Off with the armor, then," Chandra challenged.

"Damn! She saw right through me," I thought to myself. Leave it to the little minx to have the last word.

"I'll be…I'll be standing over here. Until the blushing stops. Just to be, uh, safe. You know how it is," I laughed nervously. I pulled away from our embrace and playfully started walking towards the lake's edge.

In a span of seconds whatever intimacy Chandra and I had shared was gone as she instantly withdrew her hands from mine. Words could not express the shock I saw in her eyes. Not until I heard her scream, "Alistair, No!"

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***Vulnerable by Secondhand Serenade


	4. Things that Go Bump In the Night

_I was able to get this chapter out faster than I expected. Thank goodness! __It seemed appropriate to write in Alistair's point-of-view as I had finished with his in the last chapter._

_I want to thank everyone that put me on their favorites list. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have enjoyed writing it. Not to say that I have had difficult periods. _

_I wanted to work out Chandra and Alistair relationship much quicker than this, before I got to the major part of the story; however, it was feeling like a wham-bam-thank you-ma'am kinda love. So, I hope to finish this out in a couple of more chapters._

_Please feel free to comment or complain. Thank you for your time. Galesong _

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**Chapter 4**

**Things that Go Bump in the Night**

I immediately looked behind me to see what Chandra was so frightened of. The lake remained calm even in the presence of her agitation. Only the gentle lapping waters against the bank could be heard. I reached for Chandra, "What is there to be frightened of?"

"Please, Alistair. No!" Chandra pulled away once more. Her eyes darted from me to the lake and then back again. Clearly, she was shaken.

"I've seen you dispatch darkspawn and demon alike without as much as a thought. It's only water," I assured her. To prove my point I picked up a stone the size of my fist and chucked it into the water. I watched it sink deep into the lake. I thought it odd that there weren't any ripples and then I heard it, a loud shrilling wail. It caused the glassy waters of the lake to swell into waves that crashed against the shore.

I looked down at the rushing water that swirled around me and then at the cephalopod arm that had glided through dark depths to wrap itself around my feet. "That can't be good," I surmised.

"No, it's not," I thought to myself as I was flung into the air, "I hate it when I'm right," and then it pulled me down into the icy waters.

I pulled out the dagger I had strapped at my side and drove it into the large rounded shadow before me. It connected with soft tissue before I was tossed into the air again. I was caught at the ankle by another tentaculoid arm as I dangled high above the shadowy waters below.

I inhaled deeply and took a moment to survey my surroundings. From my inverted position the scene before me played out at a heart-stopping pace. I saw Chandra stand immobile, petrified by her own fear. I recognized Sten wading into the lake carrying his two-handed broadsword overhead. Another arm had plucked Oghren off the shore as he cursed and fought. Leli was discharging arrows as fast as she could engage them. Bolts of light curved around Morrigan's raised hands. Surely that marsh witch was not going to electrocute me? Was she? I made a hasty effort to hack away at the creature that restrained me.

A blast of cold whipped through me the same time I heard the pain-filled scream of the leviathan. I stiffened my body against the chilling wind and then it was silent.

"Really…was that necessary," I questioned through chattering teeth.

"Would you rather I had electrocuted you, Alistair?" taunted Morrigan.

There was no time to react as Leli aimed her arrow just beyond the confines of my ankle. I fell onto a hard slab of ice as the creature's arm shattered around me. I yielded to the pain for a moment as I laid there exhausted. My chest constricted in pain as I sat up. My breathing came in small gasps as I tried to take in air.

"Where's Chandra?" I huffed. The dread on their faces confirmed my own.

"Chandra!" I screamed out once and then twice. It was all the pain would allow. I scanned the frozen surface of the lake. The chill in the air could not disguise my fear and apprehension, apprehension over Morrigan's display of power and fear for Chandra's safety.

I felt a thunderous crack as the ice fractured and separated. The force of the implosion from beneath toppled me from my icy raft and I was left to the mercy of the churning waters. A heavy inky substance floated to the top. It coated everything in its wake as it threatened to pull me under. Another wave passed over me and I narrowly escaped being hit by a chunk of ice.

Hoping to avoid further calamity, I ducked under the frigid surface. That's when I spotted her, a pale apparition against the black abyss. I reached for her, but she slipped from my grasp. She floated away like the specter she had become. I reached further until the pain ripped through my chest like magma exploding from a volcano. I caught her to me and kicked to the surface with all my might. I broke through; I felt many hands pull us out of the water and onto the shore.

"Do something," I implored as I leaned over Chandra's lifeless form. She was unrecognizable through the black inky substance. It clung to her body like a second skin.

"She is the healer. What would you have me do?" replied Morrigan as she shrugged her shoulders.

"Give me something," I demanded as I held out a shaky hand. Somebody, Leli, gave me a cloth. I started clearing the inky sludge from her air passages. It continued to run down the side of her mouth. There was no telling how much was in her. I gave up a frustrated cry, but refused to give in.

"Wake up! You promised me you wouldn't leave. I can't do…_this_…on my own," I pleaded. I shook Chandra until she slipped out of my hands. She fell back to land hard on the ground. This time a larger stream of inky substance bubbled out of her mouth. I pressed down on her chest and more oozed out. It fueled my hope and I pushed down again, this time harder.

"Alistair, she is gone," consoled Leli, "There is nothing else you can do."

"No!" I pushed the bard's hand away, "She still lives." I clasped my hands together and brought them down hard on Chandra's chest. Her body convulsed with the impact. I ignored everyone's concerns and continued my assault.

"Breathe," I screamed into Chandra's motionless face. I ignored the pain in my chest and shook her until my strength was spent. "Breathe," I screamed out one last desperate plea until my voice was hoarse and then I just held her close.

"That's it, my love," I whispered into Chandra's ear while spasms wracked her body as she coughed up the remaining poison. I silently thanked the Maker a second time that night before I finally succumbed to the pain and fatigue in my own body.

* * *

Healing magic covered me like a warm blanket against the midnight chill. Its soothing power engulfed my entire being as it knitted together my broken body. It no longer hurt to breathe. Cold hands gently caressed my upper body. My breath caught in my throat as they paved an icy-hot trail towards my exposed abdomen.

My state of undress, in the presence of _her_, did not seem to cause me any embarrassment. Chandra was alive, everything else was irrelevant. Sometime during my convalescence Chandra had cleaned up. She now sported a loose linen shirt and soft leather leggings. Her chestnut hair hung to her shoulders in soft waves. All that mattered was that _she_ was here with me _now_.

"Hello," I responded as I reached for her hand and brought it to my lips. The sudden movement startled her and she gasped in surprise. Or was it pain?

"Alistair?" It was barely a whisper.

I tucked an errant strand of hair behind Chandra's ear and looked into her large expressive eyes, "What happened?" They had a haunted far away look, "Never mind, you're safe now."

I drew her down and placed a protective arm around her. For one unguarded moment, Chandra gave into her silent tears. I gently stroked her hair and shushed away her fear. After a time, Chandra became quiet and I thought she had fallen asleep.

In a subdued whisper she spoke into the dark, "The hardest part about dying, is finding your way back." I kissed the top of her head and held her closer to my heart.


	5. A New Encounter with an Old Enemy

_Thank you, Linette23, for letting me know about my chapter 5 posting errors. Here's the correct chapter. Sorry for the user technical problems._

_Life is busy, my youngest is getting ready to graduate soon (heavy sigh). After last chapter, I felt that I need to lighten this one up._

_I would like to offer my appreciation for those of you have followed my story and those of you have just started. Words are not enough for my gratitude. _

_I am sorry that I have not added to Forever (the sister story), but I did not want to give away the ending of this one. I will continue with soon._

_Please enjoy! Galesong_

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**Chapter 5**

**A New Encounter with an Old Enemy**

_(Chandra)_

I felt a sharp pain in the crook of my neck. I ignored it in favor of the warmth that radiated beside me. I snuggled closer to drive away the chill that clung to the morning air. Small hairs tickled my nose. I reached up to scratch it. Spittle ran down the corner of my mouth to form a small pool. I mindlessly wiped that away too. Gradually, my senses returned and I was left with the undeniable urge to empty my bladder.

A vise-like weight fell across me pinning me in place. The man attached to it surrendered a content sigh. I forced myself to open one eye and then the other. Dawn was beginning to show its first light through the folds of the tent. Foggy shapes took solid form and I found myself staring at…

I watched in curious fascination as _it_ stirred and pulsated under the confines of the blanket, "Is _that_ a prince thing?"

"I'm a man. Apparently we do that sort' a _thing_," replied Alistair.

"Well, can you make it go away? It's blocking my view," I yawned. Only slightly embarrassed, I continued to watch _it._ It appeared to have grown more. If it were possible, Alistair would have turned fifty shades of red; instead I think I counted ten.

"Great!" Alistair looked painfully aware of his predicament. I laughed in amusement. He pulled the blanket up to his chin and held it there protectively, "Now that you've attacked my manhood, I think I'll just hide under this blanket and pray for an early death."

"Really? Well, we can't have that," I snatched up the corner and gave a playful tug, "can we?"

"You wouldn't?" rationalized Alistair.

I turned into light, looked over at the templar and mischievously grinned, "Wouldn't I?" I gave the blanket a final tug and stepped out of the tent.

"You're an evil, evil woman." I laughed at Alistair's rejoinder.

It's not that I was surprised to see everyone up and about; but rather I had hoped they wouldn't be. I looked up at the expectant stares of my fellow companions. Most of them were warming themselves around the fire. Morrigan, as usual, was attending her own fire. I tucked my hair behind my ears and straightened my shirt, "Yes! Umm, now that Alistair's wounds are healed…"

"Wait!" I heard Alistair tumble out the tent, "What about last night?" I turned and watched him hop on one foot as he tried to put on his other boot. I was astounded at how fast he could put on his armor.

"Last night?" I looked back at the interested faces of my peers, "Nothing happened last night."

"You know…the lake." I looked at Alistair beseechingly. He was completely obtuse about the matter and continued, "I…_we_ would like to know."

"I-I inflicted spirit damage," I shifted side-to-side uncomfortably where I stood, "you know…crushed it telekinetically." I gave up an exasperated sigh, "Fine! I can hold my breath but I can't swim. Satisfied?"

"How did you end up _in_…under the water," Alistair interrogated.

I looked over at Sten and simply stated, "I deliberately walked in." Sten at least understood. I watched him nod his head in approval.

I looked back at Alistair, "It's not like you were in no position to do anything," I shot back. I turned and walked briskly away. Once I felt that enough distance was between me and _him, _I trotted to edge of the forest to a group of snow-capped evergreens.

I squatted behind the first tree I came to and sighed in sweet relief as I emptied my bladder. "Stupid, selfish templar," I muttered to myself, "Didn't he realize I did it to save him?"

I heard a twig snap close by, "Go away, Alistair, I'm attending to private matters."

I waited for a response. There was none. I hastily pulled up my breaches and stepped away from the tree, "You…"

"Yes, my beautiful grey warden. It would seem I have found you exposed and unguarded. Lucky for me, no?" replied my elfin assassin.

"I should have killed you when I had the chance," I replied as I searched for a weapon.

I shook my head in irritation. How could I forget the obvious? As much as I hated it, magic was still a part of me. The taint might surge through my veins, but magic was a living, breathing creature that consumed my entire being.

I swiftly extended my arms and rotated my wrists, clear white spheres of light hovered menacingly over my open palms, "Ready to die?"

"Well, here's the thing," I watched him slowly pull out his twin daggers, "I failed to kill you, so my life is forfeit." He stepped closer, "That's how it works, if you don't kill me, the crows will," he purred.

"Come no closer," I warned.

I watched nonplused as he stood before me and placed his blades on the ground one at a time, "Thing is, I like living. And you obviously are the sort to give the crows pause. So let me serve you, instead."

His piercing cobalt green gaze never left mine as he waited for me to respond. Seconds passed into minutes, and still no words came. Hissing sounds sputtered from my hands and we both looked down at my disregarded magic. Together we watched the magic dance atop my extended palms until it fizzled out and then we laughed. We laughed until tears ran down our faces and we could no longer breathe. Then we laughed until we could laugh no more.

"So, just how long were you standing there? I mean…how much of me was exposed," I asked.

"My, dear warden, you have a lovely a…"

"No! No, please don't say anything else," I interrupted. My face felt suddenly warm.

"I say you are beautiful because it is true. Should I not?"

"Umm, that's fine. What am even I talking about?" I threw my hands up in the air, "I don't even know your name."

"My name is Zevran. Zev to my friends," replied the impudent crow assassin, "I hereby pledge my oath to you, until such a time as you choose to release me from it." He inclined his head, "I am your man, without reservation….this I swear," he kissed my open palm.

I snatched my hand back and wiped away the kiss, "What am I suppose to do with you?"

"Well... let's see. Being allowed to live would be nice, and would make me marginally more useful to you." I smiled at the elf's earnest reply.

I twirled the ends of my hair thoughtfully then reached down and picked up his daggers, "You are better at using these than you have lead on?" I handed the deadly blades back to him.

"Oh, fine. Is that what you Fereldans do? Mock your prisoners? Such cruelty." He quipped.

"I want you to teach me how to fight using these. You will find I am already proficient with a sword," he raised his arched brow doubtfully, "I have had training. Also…I want you to teach me how to pick locks."

"But you're a mage, no?" He protested.

"You know what this is?" I held up small leather pouch filled with coins.

The assassin searched his person then grimaced, "You're a cutpurse."

I returned Zev's coin purse back to him. "It is a simple game of dare apprentices play on the templars," I shrugged.

"You would have me give away all my trade secrets?"

"You'd rather be dead?" I looked down at him levelheadedly.

"Ooh, you're rather an aggressive little minx, aren't you? Lovely, too," he smiled up at me as we started walking back towards the camp.

I stopped and looked him squarely in the eye, "Don't do anything to make me regret this _or_….I'll turn you into a toad and feed you to the darkspawn," I warned.

"Of that I have no doubt," he conceded.


	6. Haven is for Cannibals

_Thank you for adding me to your watch list and favorites list. You're awesome. My son just had his senior prom this last Saturday. His girlfriend broke up with him on the dance floor. She was a junior. She broke my son's heart. So, this chapter is dedicated to my son. It's my whole angst chapter. =)_

_I'm gearing up for the love scene. Not sure if I should change rating to mature or not, just to be safe. We'll have to see. Please enjoy. Galesong_

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**Chapter 6**

**Haven is for Cannibals **

"What! You're taking the assassin with you? Does that really seem like a good idea?" challenged Alistair.

I listened to Alistair pace behind me. His armor rattled as much as he complained. I grinded down on my teeth in irritation, "I don't see the problem, Alistair, his skills will be…_useful_."

"You don't see the problem?" he contended, "May I remind you that he tried to kill us…._you_ on more than one occasion. _Or_…have you forgotten?"

I finished securing my bedroll to my pack. "If he wanted to kill me, I would be dead," I countered, "I don't know what the big deal is? You seem to be the only one who has _issues_ with him."

"Issues? You think I have issues?" he continued.

"Amongst other things," I answered as I gathered up the rest of my gear. I could sense Alistair watching me. "Besides, I won't be alone with him. I'm bringing Morrigan with me as well."

"Oh, whatever. I'm sure you know best," responded Alistair.

I finished fastening the last of my equipment to my pack and paused to regard my fellow warden. His face was flushed in incensed anger. "Apparently I do," I replied, "You put me in charge."

"And what is that suppose to mean?" Alistair shot back angrily.

"It means…," I held my breath then released it slowly, "I was thinking of taking Sten along. _Meaning_…I think you should stay here."

"Right! Don't mind me, just a peon in your command structure here, wallowing in my insignificance," he inveighed.

"Don't be so naive," I interjected, "I was right in thinking you were taking this way too seriously."

"Very naive, apparently," he decided, "I thought that you cared about me, for instance, but I was probably wrong about that, too."

"Alistair, that's not what I meant," I acknowledged, "I just thought…"

"It was stupid of me. I don't know what I was thinking," he interrupted, "Just forget I said anything. We have better things to do right now, anyhow."

"I suppose you want to come?" My voice lacked its natural enthusiasm.

"Is that going to be an _issue_?" he argued.

"Do you want it to be?" I threatened, "Because I could let you explain the circumstances to Morrigan why she has to stay behind and guard the camp."

"Fine with me," he turned and walked away.

I called forth a glowing red-hot orb, "Fine!"

"Ouch," he complained as an insignificant blast of fire struck his obstinate arse.

I smiled, in spite of myself, as Sten pelted him with a rather large snowball to douse the fire. "Serves him right," I thought.

The strenuous pace up the mountain was not enough to warm my chilled body. I held my cloak tighter around me and sighed heavily. My breath came out in a stream of frosty white vapor. I peeled my fingers from the hilt of my sword and blew some warmth into them. I surveyed the twisted evergreens ahead as I did. Their downcast branches were made lower still by the weight of the falling snow. The rattling of armor and the crunching of snow was to be my only company as Zev, Sten and Alistair followed silently behind. The air felt as heavy as my mood. Both could be cut with a knife.

I stepped off the path and pulled Zev to the side, "Tell me a little about Antivia."

He looked surprised, "Oh? It is a warm place, not cold and harsh like…._this_." I watched as Sten and Alistair passed us. Alistair looked apoplectic as he did. I motioned for the elf to continue, "In Antivia, it rains often, but the flowers are always in bloom…You are a terribly odd woman. You know this, I hope."

"I suppose you won't be the last to tell me this," I smiled back at him, "I was simply trying to dissuade you from your freezing."

"You know, I think it might be working," he chuckled, "But there are much quicker ways to warm one's self up, no?"

"You don't like Ferelden?" I hedged. We picked up our pace to catch up with Sten and Alistair.

"It's fine enough with its dogs and its mud. The people are spirited even if they can't tell the difference between an assassin and a mere killer," he paused to wink at me, "You and that other warden...there is something between you, no?"

"He would like to think so," I reasoned.

"I do not mean to be impertinent, my dear grey warden," the elf apologized, "I was simply wondering what my chances were. You deserve a little fun, do you not?"

"Right now they're about as good as his," I offered.

"It is good to know one's options, to be sure," he answered, "Let us be on our way, shall we?"

Little else was said as we continued our arduous journey up the slope. Since Ostagar, It seemed I was always watching Alistair's back. I looked at his extensive shoulders as they carried his heavy shield and sword. He bore both with ease. I wondered if he would have the strength to wear the crown with that same ease. I knew I would always be there to protect his back, but was I strong enough to watch it if he became king?

Our destination was marked by two burning torches that preceded a stairway etched into the cleft of the mountain. The manmade steps were reinforced by rough planks to keep the earth from sliding. We continued our ascent to the top until we were met by a tempestuous guard wearing rusty armor. He wore a single sword at his hip and carried an unmarked shield at his side. Not the most inviting person one would expect to greet new visitors.

The grizzled sentinel blocked our entrée, "What are you doing in Haven?" His breath was rank and his teeth were rotten, "There's nothing for you here!"

I arched my brow speculatively at Alistair. He gesticulated once before he looked angrily away. "So this is Haven," I questioned the guard.

"What do you want?" he grumbled.

I had the distinct feeling that something was amiss, "We were just passing through," I answered.

"You may trade for supplies at the shop," he pointed in the direction, "And then I suggest that you and your companions leave."

"Did it just get a lot colder? Or is it just me?" flouted my lack-brain companion.

I glared at Alistair, "I had some questions about Haven," I inquired. I smiled apologetically at our host.

"Ask and be on your way," stated the flustered guard.

"How long has Haven been here," I questioned, "I have never heard of it before."

"It's always been here," he glowered, "We see no need to announce our presence to the world. It is more peaceful that way." I watched as his hand gripped tighter around his sword.

"Who is in charge of the village?" I pressed on.

"Father Erik, our spiritual leader and guide," he seethed.

I grabbed Alistair's arm and pulled him along with me, "Very well. Excuse me," I leaned my head against Alistair's shoulder and batted my eyelashes up at him, "Come on, sweet cheeks, we must trade for supplies before we travel on."

We proceeded up the path a ways then stopped to see if we were followed. Alistair pulled his arm free of mine, "Huh. I'm not sure how to react to that, so I just won't."

"No worries here," I grated, "I wasn't expecting you to."

"A Reverend father, huh?" Alistair looked about, "That's new. I wonder what that means."

"I don't know," I shook my head, "But we aren't going to find any answers standing here."

I listened to the sucking noises our feet made as we walked through the mud and wet patches of snow. Solitary dwellings skirted the village square. Smoke billowed from the flues of their brown thatched roofs. A dog barked in the distance. Hens pecked at the ground as they scavenged for food. An ax leaned casually against a tree by a pile of logs. Haven was the epitome of a peaceful village.

"Interesting strategy, tell me," disrupted Sten, "Do you intend to keep going north until it becomes south and attack the archdemon from the rear?"

"It'll never see us coming," I answered superfluously as I tried to watch for movement behind the shuttered windows of the dwellings.

"Truly, It would surprise me if my enemy counter-attacks by running away," grumbled the frustrated qunari.

"We are not running away, exactly…," I drew my sword and looked at Alistair, "It's quiet, too quiet for my liking. The sun is high and there aren't any townsfolk about."

"Maybe it's a holiday?" I glanced at Alistair mystified by the stupidity of his answer. He simply shrugged, "What?"

"Zev," I called out quietly, "Get away from there." He tested the door of a nearby dwelling, winked then slipped in.

"He can't do that," Alistair accused. I shrugged and followed the elf leaving Alistair to sulk outside.

"The archdemon is our goal and we are heading away from it to find the charred remains of a dead woman." Sten complained as he ducked under the doorway of the spacious room.

I walked to the large hearth that immersed the single-room dwelling in warmth. Again, it struck me odd that such a large fire would be unattended. I warmed my hands before the blaze, "I see you decided to come out of cold?" I prodded Alistair.

"Do you see this gesture? Can you hear what I'm saying?" replied Alistair.

I ignored Alistair's infantile remarks and walked over to the closet that Zev was riffling through, "Find anything of any importance?"

"Nothing but this," Zev grinned wickedly as he patted the bed beside him.

I shook my head in complete annoyance, "Andraste's flaming knickers, I'm tired with the lot of you. I should have brought Leli and Morrigan with me," I complained.

I walked over to the other side of the room but was blocked by the qunari, "Do you mind? You're bigger than this house," I griped.

"Your grasp of the obvious is remarkable," Sten grumbled and stepped aside.

"Need I say more?" I stated.

I looked down at the carved block of wood before me. Blood moistened the surface of the table in deep pools. Dark rivulets ran down its side. A dagger stuck upright next to a piece of meat. I pulled it out and stabbed at the bloody flesh. I smelled it distastefully.

"Used for food preparation, perhaps," Alistair suggested.

I dropped the dagger back onto the table causing the blood to splatter around it, "Does meat bleed that much?"

"I'm trying to be optimistic," Alistair suggested, "The other explanation is slightly more disturbing."

"What are you telling me," I questioned doubtfully, "This is an altar?"

"I wonder…the crows often made sacrifices of blood, and it gave them uncanny abilities," Zev advised, "I wonder if this is the same thing?"

"Eeww," I crinkled up my nose.


	7. Cannibals Come in Small Sizes

_I had some extra time this Memorial weekend. All it did was rain. Hopefully this chapter wasn't too choppy. It might need some rewrite. Hard to say right now. It took alot out of me._

_Thank you to everyone that has followed my story. It's exciting to see that people are interested. I gives me the willpower to write on. I just want you to know that I appreciate you and know that your time is valuable. _

_Respectfully, Galesong_

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**Chapter 7**

**Cannibals Come in Small Sizes**

I cracked open the door and looked around the corner. There was no one there to greet us. I was expecting the sentry at the very least. I gingerly stepped over the threshold and out into the cold to where Zev and Alistair awaited. The door creaked ominously behind me. I looked over at Sten, "You didn't?"

The giant brushed the crumbs from his face and dusted off his hands as he strode passed me, "I suggest we find this dead woman. We have an archdemon to kill."

The door slammed shut behind the qunari; its bang, I'm sure, could be heard for miles around. I threw up my hands in frustration, "Do you mind?" Sten retrieved a cookie from his pack and dropped it into my hand, "That's not what I was talking about," I frowned.

I followed after Sten to where Zev and Alistair stood. My steps were two for his every one. Upon my approach, the assassin and warden both clamped their mouth shut refusing to finish what had been lost mid-sentence. Alistair's arms were folded across his broad chest as he stared down at the elf dispassionately. The assassin glowered up at the warden measure for measure. I regarded them both angrily then pushed past them. Sten brought up the rear following closely behind.

We traveled up the hill to find more civilization. A village boy stared at us from dead hollowed eyes, "Come, come Bonnie Lynne. Tell us, tell us where you've been. Were you up? Were you down? Chasing rabbits around the town…"

Another young girl with the same dead eyes met us at the top of the hill, "Dear, dear Bonnie Lynne, sleep the peaceful crypt within…"

I was captivated by their haunting chant. There dead eyes never left mine as I passed them. A sudden chill ran through me. I shivered in response. It felt evil. It felt right as if it belonged.

We entered the shop. There was nothing unusual about this shop. Its wears were displayed across the wall: swords, daggers, food stuff and such. It was normal. Just like any other shop I have ever entered except for the smell. It was a smell I knew well. I was associated with it personally. A firsthand knowledge I had learned to accept over the past year. It stung my eyes and made me want to vomit. It was death.

"Who are you," the shop keeper questioned, "You're not from Haven."

"Why does everyone tell me that," I questioned warily, "Like I don't know already?"

"We don't get very many visitors," the shopkeeper replied.

I looked about the room, "Zev, will you please take care of the details?"

"You can't go baaa…," the shop keeper gurgled. I turned quickly to see Zevran slide his dagger across the man's neck. Blood gushed down his chest. Its bright red streams reminded me of a waterfall.

I closed my eyes to the revulsion and turned to seek out the adjoining room, "That's not what I meant."

"I'm an assassin. What were you expecting," Zevran questioned.

"A distraction," I answered back.

"Now you have one, my lovely grey warden, no?" declared Zevran.

"Stop saying that!" I rounded the corner. The adjoining room contained many bookshelves filled with books, stacks of cloth and trunks filled with treasures. A glint of silver caught my eye. The glint was none other than a pile of discarded armor. I walked up to it to investigate. It was from Redcliffe. I recognized the seal. I bent down to retrieve the helmet. It was heavy. I lifted the face guard, "It's not empty," I exclaimed. I dropped the head. It rolled away.

"They're gone," I screamed as I ran away from the morbid scene. Alistair caught and held me by the shoulders, "They took the arms and legs." I panted, "They left the rest!"

"Are you sure," Alistair questioned as he regarded me for a moment.

"We have company," Zevran yelled. I pulled away from Alistair and ran towards the entrance.

I peeked through the door, "There's a whole town out there!"

"Where did they come from," questioned Alistair.

"From the forest? The buildings? I don't know?" I slammed the door shut and leaned against it as I tried to summon my breath.

"They're nothing but children. Maybe some elderly," Alistair shouted above the humming a he looked through a window.

"That can't be," I questioned as the humming was getting louder.

"Positive," Alistair shot back.

I strained to hear what they were saying, "Dear, dear Bonnie Lynne. Sleep the peaceful crypt within. A mossy stone, a finger bone…no one knows but me alone."

"We are armed to the teeth. Surely they won't attack?" I tried to tell myself, "Besides we can't wait in here all day."

We gathered our gear and stepped outside. Alistair was right. I didn't want to admit it. They poured out of the trees and buildings, some held rocks. A few woman along with some elderly carried pitch forks. They steadily walked toward us as they repeated the chant, "Come, come Bonnie Lynne. We've a bed to put you in…"

We huddled together, each one protecting the others back. We side-stepped away from the building towards the center of the town, they continued their slow pace towards us. My eyes darted from one face to the other as I studied the townsfolk. They all held that same dead look that I originally saw in the boy. They spoke in one voice, it was monotone. It promised death.

We slowly drew our arms and displayed them in such a matter that the townsfolk understood that we meant business, "Let us pass, we mean you no harm," I shouted. They pressed forward.

Armored men charged down the hill. Alistair bashed the first one three times with his shield before he plunged his sword, hilt deep, into the man's chest. Zevran rolled away to dodge one attack while simultaneously slashing the back of the knees of another attacker. The surprised guard went down and the elf finished him off with a quick stab to the man's exposed neck. Sten raised his broadsword overhead. It arced cleaving a man in two from head to waist.

I turned my attention back the townsfolk. I summoned my magic and put forth rings of purple light. The group to my right, the ones closest, froze in place. The one in front continued their pursuit towards me. I swung my sword in a sweeping motion and they flew back to tumble away. To my left someone threw a rock. It missed. I froze them in place as well.

"I don't want to harm you," I warned them once again.

Somebody broke the line. They leaped onto my back. I felt a sharp pain on the side of my throat. Blood trickled from the wound. I had been bit. I flipped my attacker over my shoulder and plunged my sword into his unprotected chest. "A child," I screamed in disbelief.

I looked down at the boy I had just killed. He couldn't be any older than eleven or twelve. It was the same boy I first saw in the village. I watched as the light left his dead eyes and the blood pooled around his wound. Another villager rushed at me. Her face was alive with anger. She thrust her pitchfork towards my chest. I sidestepped and swung my sword around to decapitate her, more blood pooled around my feet.

I threw back my head, closed my eyes and summoned the elements. I clenched my fists; the ground began to rumble beneath me. I watched as if I floated overhead. The townsfolk tried to maintain their balance. I clapped my hands over head and called forth lightening. It hissed and snapped. I cupped my hands to my face and blew. Icy winds came forth freezing anything in its wake. I was not done; I called forth the last of my fury, fire.

"Enough!" Alistair tackled me to the ground.

I twisted and bucked beneath him. My fists bombarded him, "They're children," I cried into his chest. He held me down until I had no strength left.

I could no longer hear the chanting, only my soft sobs muffled by Alistair's chest. He looked down at me hesitantly while he secured my hands at my side with his own. "Children," I mouthed silently.

Alistair helped me to my feet. I looked about me. Bodies had been flung against walls, others through fences. These bodies were twisted and broken. Others cluttered the ground where they had fallen. I had decimated the town. It was genocide. I regarded Alistair. His face spoke more than words ever could. He was afraid of me.

We journeyed further up the hill to where Chantry was. It stood alone, its tall steeple disappeared in the clouds and falling snow. I entered in with a detached sense of numbness. A priest and a handful of guards were all that remained.

The priest spoke, "We find outsiders disruptive. They bring others and before long, Haven is changed," the guards surrounded us, "We will go to any lengths to prevent that."

I walked up to priest and plunged my sword into his unprotected chest. He looked surprised. I let him slide off my sword to lay dead in his own blood at my feet. Swords flashed and metal rang behind me. It did not take long for the others to dispatch the guards.

Zevran spoke, "Just once I'd like to walk into one of these places and discover a little dance, or a drinking festival, or an orgy. But alas, no."

I continued to stare at the body before me. Blood trickled down my sword like molasses to drip on the dead man. Splat! Splat!

"Warden," someone called. My legs buckled beneath me. Someone caught me.

"_You killed him!" the voice said in my head. _

_Connor stood before me. Blood covered him from head to toe. Other children materialized. They all resembled Connor, "You killed us!" they chanted. _

_Closer and closer they stepped until they were upon me, "You killed us! You killed us!" they chanted again and again._

"_No," I screamed. I covered my ears with my hands._

"_You killed us!" they clawed at my swollen stomach until they ripped it open. Blood gushed everywhere. They pulled out two black objects. _

_They were covered in taint, "You killed us," the babies hissed._

_I kicked them away and pelted them with my fists, "No!"_

Someone tried to catch my hands, "Chandra, wake up!" I cuffed him across the face, "It's just a dream," they comforted.

Slap! My hand came to the side of my face, "I didn't mean to kill him."

"I know," Alistair soothed. He held me close. I couldn't breath.

"This is your fault," I pushed Alistair away, "I hate you." It was mean. I didn't care. I was mad and Alistair needed to hate me.


	8. Genitivi for the Tasting

_Thank you for your patience in waiting for this chapter. My youngest has officially graduated from high school (heavy sigh) and I managed to slip my L5 disc (even heavier sigh). Anyway, I would like to thank those who have stood by and put on their favorites or alerts list. You are ever awesome._

_If you are new to my story, please don't give up its gonn'a pickup by next chapter. Much thanks, Galesong_

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**Chapter 8**

**Genitivi for the Tasting**

I stared at him blankly, "It was better this way," I thought myself.

He didn't say, but I knew what he was thinking, "Better for whom?"

"It was better this way…better for him," the voice in my head reminded me.

He turned and walked away, "Better for him or better for you?"

The door of the chantry shut quietly behind him, "Better for me," I whispered out loud to myself.

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Alistair had left the chantry. I stared at the door hollowly, expecting him to return at any moment. Sten was examining his sword and Zev was plundering the dead. "Just another day in the life of a warden," I said out loud and to no one in particular, "Best day of my life, when I joined."

I picked myself off the ground and looked about the room, "Wow! A chantry that comes with a dining table, imagine that."

Candlelight illuminated the dreary room. Fluttery shadows danced across the books that lined the walls. I pulled one out and thumbed through its musty pages, nothing. I walked over to a desk, in the corner of the room, containing old discolored scrolls. I unfurled one, two, and then three and shook my head. What was I expecting? A map telling me where Andraste's Ashes were? This day was fast becoming tedious. I was about to call the whole thing off when it hit me like a brick wall.

"Looks like you found something," Zev replied behind me.

"Don't say it," I cut him off, "Maybe? Besides it stuck out like a stuffed pig."

"What, exactly, did you think I was going to say," the assassin questioned.

"My beautiful grey warden," I supplied. I leaned into the wall and pressed my weight against it. Nothing happened.

"I recall you asking me not to call you that, No? Here, let me show you where to put your hands," Zev teased, "my tantalizing sex goddess." I bit down of my lips to hide my smile as I stepped aside to let the elf work his trade. Zev's hands moved slowly over the surface of the wall. I noted when he took special care at the points and valleys. In the end, the outcome was still the same.

I tapped my lips thoughtfully with my index finger, "I think I have it." I silently mouthed an incantation and inscribed the glyph on the wall. It would neutralize any magic had there been any. I gave the wall another frustrated shove, "Well, that didn't work,"

"Stand aside," Sten ordered. The giant took a moment to prop his two-handed sword against the wall. He reached behind and slid his double-sided ax out of its sheath. It was easily the length of an elf and the weight of a human.

"Ah, I see you plan to use brute strength to take the wall down, my friend," Zevran replied undaunted by the giant.

"I am not your friend," reminded Sten.

Sten elevated the battle ax to his extensive chest. Zev and I exchanged looks and quickly got out of his way. I had seen him use it on several occasions. I remembered well one gruesome sight. He had separated a man, cleanly in two, in one swing. Sten's grip tightened around the handle as he tested its weight. Then he poised his ax overhead, swung it around and lightly tapped the wall in a testing blow. A breeze caught at my hair as the ax swooshed back again. He roared his battle cry. I clamped my hands over my ears and waited. Sten reached out and pulled on the wall. I arched my brow somewhat surprised as the wall miraculously slid away to reveal a hidden room.

"I didn't see that one coming, my big friend," replied Zev as he rubbed his pointed chin thoughtfully.

"That was my plan," Sten stepped aside to let me enter.

I regarded the giant, "Sten, I believe that was a joke."

Sten slid his battle ax back into place and picked up his broadsword, "No. Shall we move on...Darkspawn are waiting."

"You really need to loosen up, my giant friend," Zev patted Sten's arm affectionately then followed me into the room. Sten made his typical growl. Or was that a grumble?

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_(Alistair)_

"This is your fault. I hate you," I repeated her words in my head several times. I needed to understand. I wanted to understand. Even if she was the most confusing woman I have ever had the audacity to encounter.

"What is your choice, Alistair?" I took a drink from my water skin then wiped away the dribble with the back of my hand, "Maker help me, I love her."

The sound of Sten's battle cry ended my reflections, misguided as they were. I stormed into the chantry to investigate expecting to see more fighting. Instead, I was greeted with Chandra's, normally restrained, features lit up by her laughter, "…and that smile was directed at that damnable elf."

I was completely oblivious to her as I entered the chantry. I followed them to the secret chamber and waited at the doorway.

"Who are you? They…they've sent you to finish it?" groaned the elder man strapped across a long table. His voice was week but that didn't stop him from lifting his head to ascertain who we were.

"Finish what," Chandra questioned. She either was ignoring me or she still didn't know that I was there. I chose to hover in the shadows.

"Me. Finish me off," the elder man supplied. His voice was thin and weak.

"I have nothing to do with the villagers," Chandra started untying the bonds that held his hands.

"You don't know how glad I am to see someone who isn't from this village," he groaned once more. He had difficulty lifting his numb hands.

I rested my head against the wall and listened to Chandra's soft whispers as she summoned her healing magic. Her invocations were the only calm part of Chandra's intense personality.

"Does that feel better," she questioned.

"Much better," the elderly man held up his hands and flexed his fingers.

"Can you tell us how you got here?" Chandra's voice was soft but persistent.

"I was seeking out Andraste's resting place and…"

"Brother Genitivi?" In two strides I was at Chandra's side. She begrudgingly gave up her spot. "We need the ashes to heal Earl Eamon!" I was hard pressed to control my excitement. We were so close.

Brother Genitivi smiled in acknowledgement. It was more of a relieved sigh, "The leg's not doing well…and I can't feel my foot."

"Let's see if we can't make that better as well," Chandra's voice was patient and sincere. She quickly went to task of cutting away the bloodied pant leg.

I heard the sharp intake of Chandra's breath as she parted the fabric, "Alistair?" The flesh, below the knee, had been carved away. All that remained was bone and some tendons attached to a foot. The color drained from Chandra's face, "I'm sorry; I can't save…"

"My leg," Genitivi interrupted, "Do what you must, girl. I don't have time to rest now. I'm so close. The urn is just up the mountain."

"You're brave for an old man," Chandra teased.

"Not nearly as much as you think," Genitivi proclaimed, "Determined is more like it."

"I will do my best to ease your suffering, old man." Bluish light penetrated and surrounded Genitivi's body as Chandra called forth her healing magic. The lines in the old man's gaunt face slowly began to relax. Chandra motioned to me and the bloody elf, "You both will need to hold him down."

Chandra formed a tourniquet around Genitivi's leg, just above the knee, and tightened it. Beads of sweat moistened her forehead as she continued her healing spell. She stepped aside and indicated for Sten to do his part. With great precision the qunari relieved the old man of his damaged leg. Brother Genitivi's face remained relaxed indicating that he wasn't in any pain. There was nothing any one of us could do as we continued to watch her deft ministrations. She enshrouded her dagger in arcane flame and brought it down on the open wound. The acrid smell of burnt flesh clung to the air as she held the glowing blade in place. Chandra's face paled to an ashen white as she called on final reserves to close the wound. We watched as flesh and tendon knitted itself together until the leg formed a stump below the knee.

Chandra held on to the table to support herself as she slumped over Genitivi. Strands of sweat dampened hair clung to her forehead and across her pale face. This time I did not come to her aid, instead I waited. She remained as such for a time. Then she turned and faced me. I saw the exhaustion and I heard her ragged breath. I willed her to look at me, "Chandra," my eyes implored.

The movement was small, almost nonexistent, as she reached for me. She gnawed on her bottom lip for a moment as she considered me. Then she turned her back to me. With a heavy step she walked over to her discarded pack and pulled out a bottle of lyrium. I watched the muscles of her neck work as she swallowed the vile blue liquid that would replenish her manna.

Whatever the differences we had with one another this day; one thing was for sure, we _all_ left here with a better appreciation for our leader and her magic.


	9. Just Up the Mountain

_I would like to give a special thanks to zeeji for her words of concern and encouragement. I would also like to offer my gratitude to Jen4306 for her thoughts as well. You are both greatly appreciated as are all the other readers out there. _

_I need to apologize to Jen4306. I was hoping to get to Chandra's and Alistair's intimate scene done in his chapter, but ran out of time. Sorry. It will be in the next chapter, then on with the big breakup and then some Nate! Best wishes to you all, Galesong_

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**Chapter 9**

**Just Up the Mountain**

"Wait! We can't leave without the medallion," Brother Genitivi hollered, "Eirik, the priest, wears it around his neck."

"This medallion?" the nuisance of an elf offered up the intricate pendant to Genitivi.

"Yes, that is your key to opening the temple," Genitivi hobbled out of the chantry on his make shift crutch and pointed, "It's just up the mountain."

"We had better hurry," Chandra piped in, "It's fast becoming dark and I would rather not have anymore run-ins with the townsfolk, if you get my meaning?"

The surly elf picked up the trail and raced ahead, "Yes, I happen to like your legs just the way they are, wrapped around my…"

"Super!" I cut in, "Excuse me while I begin projectile vomiting." Chandra, who had been helping Gentivi, took a moment to look over her shoulder. Chandra's expressive eyes narrowed until she found mine, "Is it me or is it getting colder?" I folded my arms and rubbed my shoulders brusquely.

"So you have already stated," Sten replied.

I fell into step with Sten as we brought up the rear, "You know, I think you're right."

We traveled several miles up the winding path that lead to the Andraste's resting place. It was difficult to know how long as the sky was forever grey. The snow had melted into heavy drops of rain. This indicated that it was warming up, but the dampness of the rain caused even Sten to hug himself for warmth. The bothersome elf, I was happy to note, had lost some of his zeal as his blond head hung low with the pouring rain. It was Chandra that worried me the most. She had Genitivi's arm slung over her shoulder and was now supporting the full extent of his weight. Once or twice she had lost her footing but at the last moment had managed to save herself from falling, thus saving Genitivi.

I couldn't help but admire Chandra's inane stubbornness while being infuriated at the same time. I jogged ahead to where Chandra was struggling to get Gentivi over some fallen trees. I lifted my shield over them to block the pelting rain, "Just up the mountain you say?"

Genitivi gave a wan smile, "Yes, just up…ummm…I might have misjudged the distance in my excitement."

Chandra shifted her pack to the other arm. She used her free hand to brush away the wet hair that plastered her face. She was soaked to the bone. I was outraged that she did not say anything. I directed my anger at the wounded man at her side, "You might have misjudged? Maybe just a little, old man."

I signaled to the elf, "We are going to break for camp."

The elf came bounding over, "There's a delightful little clearing just ahead." He unbound his long wet hair and gave it a good shake before retying it.

"Shall we," the blonde, bronzed elfin-god offered his arm to Chandra.

They disappeared into the trees, "Delightful."

I helped Genitivi over the fallen debris and half dragged him the remainder of the way. When she saw our approach, Chandra was instantly at the wounded man's side. She directed us over to a dry spot she had found under the covering of some trees.

The elf unsheathed one of his long daggers and absent mindlessly slapped his open palm with the flat end , "I'll keep an eye on the trail," he winked at Chandra.

I nodded in the direction of the elf, "What's that about?"

Chandra shrugged, "It's nothing to get you in a tizzy over, if that's what you wondering."

She knelt down beside Genitivi to check his wound, "Give him a healing potion," I noted the dark circles under her livid eyes, "You need to save your strength."

Genitivi patted her hand affectionately, "He's right, my dear, you look exhausted."

"I'm fine," Chandra protested.

"Sten, tell her," I bent to task to create a fire, "I give up."

"You sit here," he guided Chandra to a dry spot next to the fire I was attempting to make. He recovered her pack and withdrew her blanket from it. He wrapped the blanket around her as he would a child. Then again, next the qunari, she might as well be. Next, he delved into the pack and retrieved a healing potion that he tossed at Genitivi. "Drink this," he commanded.

My respect for the giant had grown daily since Chandra had rescued him from his self imposed prison. Sten folded his arms and rocked on his heels in a satisfactory way. "The giant was positively beaming," I thought to myself.

I piled moss over the wood that I had crisscrossed over one another. I struck the flint together several times to create a small flame then blew on it. Smoke billowed up around me and I coughed. I cleared my throat several times and made another attempt.

"What's with the smoke signals?" Chandra glared at me, "Are you trying to announce our presence to our enemies?"

My eyes began to burn and water as I fanned away the smoke, "The wood is too wet."

The blanket fell from Chandra's shoulders as she stood up, "All you had to do was ask." Arcane flames burst from her hands into a towering inferno.

"Heyyyy…Do you mind?" I jumped back, "I'd like to keep my eyebrows."

"I forgot, they're part of your boyish charm," Chandra flung over her shoulder as she made a place for Genitivi by the fire.

"Go ahead stomp on my feelings…all one of them!" I didn't bother looking back as I stomped into the forest to collect more wood, "That's telling her off."

When I returned Genitivi was warming his hands by the fire, Sten had begun forming a lean-to out of the branches he had assembled, and Chandra was curled up in a ball next to the fire.

"She fell asleep shortly after you left," Genitivi gestured toward Chandra.

I dropped the wood by the fire and set a pot to boil. I added some salted meat to the broth along with the vegetables I had picked in Haven. I handed some of the salted meat to Genitivi, "Sorry, it's not much."

"It's enough to fill these old bones," he patted his stomach gratefully.

Sten finished the rough shelter and sat down between the Genitivi and me, "You want me to relieve the elf?"

"He's fine for now," I handed Sten the salted meat. He refused then reached into his own pack and retrieved a cookie. He paused before biting down and offered me a piece, "No thank you."

I stared across the fire, through the flames, at Chandra's small still form. Her cheek rested lightly on her curled hand. The fire had dried her hair into a dark tangle of waves that fell across her pale face. I frowned, even in sleep her brow furrowed in concentration.

"If it wasn't for the missing leg, no would have ever known that I had been through such an ordeal," Genitive patted his stump, "Her healing powers are positively miraculous."

"Yes…positively miraculous," I murmured to Genitivi.

I all but forgot him as I sat up and walked over to Chandra. I gingerly picked her up and carried her to the shelter. I looked down at her, as she nestled closer, and was once again reminded of why I loved her. I laid her on the bed of pine needles and secured the blanket protectively around her. She frowned in her sleep as she reached out. I caught her hand, squeezed it gently, and then placed it under the covers.

"In the mountain there is a temple that protects the urn. The door can be unlocked with this key," Genitivi reached into his pocket and retrieved the medallion, "It can be manipulated like so. If you find the urn, you will return to Denerim to tell me about it, wont you?"

"I won't have to," I placed another log on the fire, "You're coming with us."

"You and I both know that's not feasible," he handed me the medallion, "I would only slow you down."

"There is wisdom in your words but she's the one you're gonna have to persuade," I gestured towards Chandra.

I listened to the crackling of the fire while I manipulated the medallion as Genitivi did until it formed a key. Chandra's fearful scream broke the silence as she leashed out at some unforeseen enemy.

"It's the taint," I walked over to Chandra and pressed a damp cloth to her forehead, "Our connection to the darkspawn bring on the nightmares."

"Are they always that vivid," questioned Genitivi.

"Sometimes...during a blight," I shook my head in helpless concern, "Perhaps it's her connection to the fade, I don't know." I returned to my place by the stew.

"Can I offer you some advice, young man?" Genitivi didn't wait for me to respond, "Such a rare and beautiful gift is hard to find. It would be a shame, should you lose it."

"Where's Zevran?" Chandra charged, "_You_ haven't relieved him _yet_?" She grabbed up her sword and headed towards the path, towards the elf.

I followed her departure then turned and regarded Genitivi, "What if it was never yours to begin with?"

"Wisdom is like breath," Sten broke from his silent slumber, "You need it, but no other can you give you theirs."

"How are you supposed to find it then?"

"It's everywhere. In every moment of eternity is a chance to find it," Sten plopped another cookie in his mouth, "You have only to reach for it."

"I think what our giant friend is trying to say is…go after to her boy."

* * *

_(Chandra)_

"Chandra, can we talk?"

"Now…is not a good time."

"If I waited for a good time, then we would never speak."

"That wouldn't be so bad, would it?" I had been trying to avoiding this conversation for several days now, but was running out of excuses.

Zevran purposely turned his back on Alistair and directed his attention to me, "Do you need me here?"

"No, that wont be necessary," I quickly hugged Zev, "Thank you for everything."

"And who could resist such a request, no?" Zevran brushed his lips across my cheek in a parting kiss.

I stared after Zevran's departing form and waited for the inevitable. "All right, I really don't know how to ask you this," Alsitair questioned.

I summoned the strength to confront him; after all, he deserved to hear the truth. I turned to face him, "Ask me what?"

It was an eternity before he answered, "I'm wondering about Zevran, really. It seems like the two of you have become quite…friendly."

"I suppose we have," His question threw me.

"Zev's a lucky bastard. That's all I really have to say about it. I hope he makes you happy." Alistair's voice sounded broken and hurt.

He turned to leave. I grabbed his hand to stop him, "It's not like that…It's not what you think."

Alistair withdrew his hand from mine, "Then why don't you tell me just how it is!"

"We're just friends," I explained.

"Really, I was under the impression that the two of you were romantically involved," Alistair accused.

I pressed my lips together in a straight line, "I just enjoy his company."

"As oppose to mine?" he whispered in that same hurt voice.

I couldn't bare it any longer. I held my hands over my ears and turned away, "Yes…No…I don't know."

He grabbed my wrist and dragged me to him, "Which is it?"

"Neither," I answered truthfully, "You're going to be king."

"You don't know that," he tried to assure me, "But, if you want to stop this now, before it goes any further..."

I slowly backed away, "I would rather you hate me for everything I am, than have you love me for something I can't be."


	10. Ashes for Eamon

_Whew! A great amount of sweat and tears went into this one. Nothing like drudging things up from the past! A lot of things happening in this chapter. It's a little longer than most. Had a couple of hurdles to get through. Go get that cup of java or glass of wine, sit back and enjoy. I'm gonn'a go read my fav DAO stories. _

_Thank you all for putting me on your FF Alerts and Favs. You rock! Thank you also to the nameless and faceless who have took interest in my story as well. I appreciate you all! Galesong_

_P.S. Jen4306, we're getting closer!_

* * *

**Chapter 10**

**Ashes for Eamon**

How does a man hide his heartache, in front the woman he professes to love, while she is standing there breaking his heart? That was the only way I could describe the emotional battle being played out on Alistair's grief stricken face. He must have settled on resignation when he finally whispered, "If this is what you really want…then so be it. I'd hoped…no, never mine. It's done."

The inflection in his voice wavered between discouraged inhalations and bittersweet sighs as he tried to swallow back the tears of my betrayal. His amber eyes glistened with moisture in the moonlit night. He raked his long fingers slowly through his sandy hair then turned and walked back towards camp. Somewhere in my convoluted thoughts, I believed he would ignore everything had I told him and come back with some snappy remark. He did neither as he soundlessly disappeared into the trees. I know, because I had watched for his return until it was almost daybreak.

I wanted to believe the dream. That love was enough. I was a fool to let it go on as long as I did. After all, these things never worked out in the end. I just saved myself the grief. It was easier to play the martyr than put my trust in hope, for a future I wanted but could not have.

A frozen breeze wandered through the white evergreens in an inaudible caress. I buried my head deeper under the protection of my woolen cape to escape its quiet death. It had snowed sometime during the night. The camp had been lightly covered in a pale blanket of white except where the ground was still warmed by the fire. My companions had secured their belongings long before I woke. Why they let me remain slumbering, in that dreamless state, I could only guess.

We had said our farewells to Brother Genitivi promising him that we would seek him out in Denerim, after we found the ashes. We gave him the remainder of our food rations, along with the healing potions, for his journey home. In return, he had promised that the temple was just up the mountain. This time he was right.

* * *

I now stared at myself. Only it was not me, but my ghostly she. I looked at this creature, this me. Her eyes were prideful and full of determination. Her magic was real enough as she cast her spell upon me. I was paralyzed from the neck down, suspended in time, place, unable to move with too many thoughts to think.

We had hacked a bloody path through Andraste's frozen shrine, her final resting place. We struck down every worshiper that drew his or her blade on us. This included the apostates and the demons they summoned. Our bloody rampage had not stopped there as we butchered young dragons and slaughtered the hatchlings. We had even solved the metaphoric riddles that spoke of Andraste's life and death, thus surviving the gauntlet. We had escaped with nary a scratch. Superficial wounds that I had easily healed.

The cultists had believed that Andraste had returned in the form of a Dragon. They had slain their victims and feasted upon their flesh. For this reason, our killing spree was justified. Was it worth it? All this death to save one man? It didn't matter. I did not do it to save Eamon; I did it for Alistair.

For the moment I was helpless. I knew the others fought their ghostly selves as well. Did these specters represent our inner demons and hidden fears? I was no fan of Andraste. At one time I had even referred to her as a 'sodding whore.' She was the reason I had been stripped of my heritage and exiled from those I loved. I remembered what the guardian, the keeper of Andraste's ashes, had asked, "There is suffering in your past…Your suffering and the suffering of others. Do you think you failed them?"

"Failed them?" I thought, "What of those who failed me?"

I remained paralyzed in body and thought. I watched the creature that was I and realized one thing. She was a lie. She still wore the robes of the Circle of Magi. I was no longer that girl from the past. She died a year ago with Cullen.

I smiled ruefully and thought, "How is it that I am attracted to templers?"

For better or worse I had changed. I, Chandra, stood before my ghostly self with my blades drawn. She extended her hands and chanted her craft. I rarely ever chanted. I plunged my dagger into her invisible heart, pirouetted and followed through with my sword, dispatching her head from her neck. Zevran had taught me well. My ghost was dead in lieu of my past.

The door to the next chamber opened, unimpeded, by itself. I ventured ahead, leaving the others behind to fight their own ghostly selves. I saw him. He was older than I remembered, with traces of grey at his temples. I crumbled to my knees and placed my hands on the ground for support. My heart beat wildly against my chest. I did not know if he was alive or dead, but here in this place he was as real to me as any father could be.

"Father, is that really you? Why did you send me away?"

"My darling girl, we didn't have a choice. It is the way of such things."

"I didn't mean to do it. I can control it now."

"It was the only way to keep you safe. A day hasn't gone by that you were ever far from our thoughts."

"I was alone. You never came to see me…_ever_."

"Your mother and I love you so much, my darling girl."

"_Love_…Love is a hollow emotion filled with empty promises and regret. You showed me that."

"Love is everything. It is the hardest lesson you will ever learn."

"But I'm afraid. I'm _always_ afraid."

"If your heart is true, there is nothing to fear."

"What if I don't trust my heart?"

"Then you must _do it_…afraid."

I stared at brick and mortar. Whatever had been my father had gone. I refused to spare another tear for my past. It took a moment for me to regain my composure; after all, pride was a hard thing to swallow.

I sensed the others behind me and made an effort to pick myself off the ground. A large calloused hand reached over my shoulder, "Kadan?"

I accepted Sten's help up. "We're almost there," I stated dismally.

"I know," he responded. I always liked that about Sten. He was a man of few words, but they held profound meanings.

The others followed closely behind me. I was thankful for their silence, even the awkward silence between Alistair and me. He had chosen to linger in the back. As far from me as possible, I suppose. I could not begrudge him that.

The shallow corridor opened up into a bigger chamber that was part of the mountain itself. A large chasm separated us from the corridor ahead. I could feel the ashes calling me. I knew they would be on the other side.

The chamber held twelve stone platforms hovering over the chasm's ledge. There were six stones on the left side and six stones on the right side. Each stone held a different symbol. Some of the symbols had been smoothed away from centuries of erosion while others held crumbled corners and deep cracks.

Alistair strode past us, bumping me in the process. Where our bodies had touched, it felt like I had been hit with a jolt of lightening. I bit down on my bottom lip to hold back my cry of surprise. I could lie to myself, but apparently my body didn't seem to care. If Alistair had been aware of his effect on me, he did not show any sign of it.

I followed Alistair into the chamber, as did the others. I stepped up to the edge and peered over it. It was dark as far the eye could see.

"Hey, look at those thingies. I bet you, if I step on one, it will do something," Alistair suggested. It was the first time I had heard him say anything since last night.

"Yes, Alistair, next time there is a trap…you go stand on it," Zev advised.

Somewhere between Zev's taunt and Alistair's reprisal, one of them had triggered a section of the bridge to appear. I tapped on it with my foot to test its strength. It seemed sturdy enough. I placed both feet on it.

"Chandra, it's not safe!" Alistair ran towards me with his arms frantically waving.

There wasn't any time to scream. I could hear the air rush past my ears while my arms flew over my head. It was too late. I plummeted down into the bottomless pit the moment Alistair had stepped off the stone dais.

"I agree," Sten caught my wrist and heaved me back over the ledge, "You should have listened to Alistair." He positioned me safely on the ground far from the edge.

I fanned myself with my hand, "Whew! I wasn't expecting that," I said casually, "I _mean…_I wasn't expecting to fall."

"This is entirely your fault, Alistair. If you hadn't acted the idiot," Zev accused, "She would never have fallen."

"My fault? If you weren't here…I would still," Alistair broke off, "Never mind, it's already done."

Alistair stormed back into the corridor we had come from. I gave Zevran a disparaging look and then ran after Alistair. His back was turned to me, "You would still..."

"_Still_…what?" Alistair bristled.

I reached out and touched his forearm lightly, "Finish what you were going to say. You would _still_…"

His eyes darkened with anger, "I told you…it's already done," he jerked his arm away from me, "Let's get this over with. The sooner we get the ashes the sooner we get back to Redcliffe to heal my uncle."

With a few more minor mishaps, a little patience, and lots of arguing we finally made it across the chasm to the other side.

The long narrow corridor stretched ahead of us. Ancient weapons littered the ground at either side. We walked about halfway then I stopped and turned, "Okay, boys, end of the line. The rest is up to me."

"Truly? You could have fooled me," Zev quipped.

I chose my words carefully before I spoke, "You can't go where I'm going. This task has been appointed to me."

"But…" I heard the concern in Zev's voice and it touched my heart. He had become my constant shadow, as well as my friend, since pledging himself to me.

I smiled sympathetically, "I release you from your oath."

"You're not quite as callow as I thought," Sten remarked.

I reached up and patted his cheek affectionately, "I know."

I turned and regarded Alistair, "Let's finish this."

* * *

Just beyond the flames of her judgment, she stood at her pulpit. Her living image was carved in stone. She held her arms out and beckoned come. "Fear not," she called to the worthy.

"There's no way around it," Alistair said of the flames.

A majestic wall of fire blazed before us. It seemed to be alive as though it breathed. The closer we came the taller it became. Likewise, the further we were the smaller it appeared. It gallantly defended Andraste, keeping us from her ashes.

"Then we must go through it," I answered back. It was a simple statement, but unsettling none-the-less.

Alistair extended his hand so that it lingered closely to the flames. He pulled it away abruptly and grimaced, "I don't think _that_ is going to work."

I reached out to heal his hand, "It's _obviously_ some test."

"I'm fine. Leave it," he snapped, "Can you wiggle your fingers and do a magic rain dance to put it out…_or_ something like _it_?"

I couldn't tell if he was irritated at me or at the situation, "I doubt _it_ would be as easy as _that_."

I walked over to the stone slab that stood before the flames. It appeared to be an altar of sorts. It was covered in a heavy layer of dust making it hard to decipher the ancient text. I wiped it away with my hand then blew away the finer dust, "Cast off the trappings of the worldly life and cloak yourself in the goodness of the spirit," I used my backside to rub the remaining filth from my hand, "King and slave, lord and beggar, be born anew in the maker's self."

"Great, trial by fire," Alistair frowned, "Wait! You're not actually considering going through with it?"

I looked at the weapons that cluttered the stone floor, enough to fill a small armory, and then at Alistair, "It's ok…I know what I must do."

One-by-one I let my weapons drop to the ground beside me. Their clanging could be heard, reverberating, through surrounding walls and vaulted ceiling. I started at the buckles and clasps until I was free of my armor. Clothed only in my chemise, I stood before the man I cared deeply for.

Alistair broke from his golden silence. In a few short steps he was at my side. He grabbed me by the shoulders and gently shook, "I won't let you do this."

Between shakes, I untied my chemise and smiled, "I didn't give you a choice."

Our eyes locked in some silent battle, "Then I'm coming with you," He anxiously pulled at his buckles to cast of his own armor.

I stayed his hand, "You can't."

I let my chemise slide from my shoulders to pool around my feet. Alistair's amber flecked eyes remained fixed on mine. Our bodies were so close that I could hear is his heart beating rapidly against his chest. I reached for the hand he hurt and held it between us. I silently healed it then gave him back a piece of his life. I smiled softly knowing that he would not look down. I stood on my tiptoes and whispered in his ear, "I was wrong about you and me," then turned to walk into the white-hot flames.

* * *

_(Alistair)_

My heart beat wildly against my chest. Even her healing hand could not stop the pain of having her so close. Then she whispered those words and I knew she still cared.

There wasn't enough time to stop her as she walked into the fire. I refused to dishonor her so I concentrated on her feet. I watched the path she took. It was steady and sure. Flames sparked where she walked. Upward they spiraled until all that remained were here shoulders and head. They caressed her skin and fanned her dark hair around her glowing face. Her eyes locked with mine. She smiled brilliantly and then she was gone.

My fingers flexed tightly around cold hard metal. Then I remembered she had placed it into my hand, after healing it. I looked down and slowly uncurled my fingers, "Chandra…"

She had given me my mother's amulet.

* * *

_(Chandra)_

"I see the pain and anger you carry. I know you fear to give it voice," the guardian acknowledged, "but rest assured, my child, the maker knows your heart," then he was gone.

I stood before the Urn of Sacred Ashes. My body shook violently from the whole ordeal. Beads of perspiration dampened my body. I couldn't keep my hand steady as I reached for the urn.

"I didn't think anyone could succeed in finding Andraste's final resting place," Alistair said behind me, "but here…here she is…"

My strength ebbed away until I could barely stand. I fought it as long as I could and then I let myself fall, "I made it."

He caught me to him and folded his arms protectively around me, "What took you so long?"


	11. Actions Speak Louder than Words

_The title says it all. This is the height of their relationship. It doesn't get any better than this. Now the spiralling descent. As Jen4306 suggests...onto some Nate!_

_I would like to give a special thanks to Enaid Aderyn. Her words were greatly appreciated. Also, check out her story "Perspective." It will change how you feel about Goldanna. Also, a special thank you to Jen4306, Zeeji and Linette23 for your support as well._

_Thank you, most of all, those of you who have put me on their ff favs and alerts. Without you, I probably would have given up writing this. _

_Hoping that you ALL had a safe and happy 4th. We are truly blessed to live in a country like this. _

_God Bless! Galesgong_

* * *

**Chapter 11**

**Actions Speak Louder than Words**

I closed my eyes and leaned against Alistair. The back of my head was cradled just below his chin. His warm breath stirred the disheveled hairs on top my head. I let my body slack into the surety of his embrace, "Alistair…"

He silenced me with a kiss. It seemed like forever since I had felt his lips pressed against mine. I reminded myself that I was the cause of my own hurt and his.

He covered me with his cloak. It was a thoughtful and noble gesture. I could not keep my eyes from his. I wondered what he was thinking, for the fool was I. It was as if some undeclared understanding had passed between us. He kept his back turned as I quietly dressed. Then we silently walked back to Sten and Zev stealing looks and sidelong glances.

* * *

"I cannot imagine what you begin to see in him," I heard the sarcasm pour from Morrigan's husky voice.

I pressed my lips together and garnered my expression, "He is not so terrible, is he?"

It was very late, when we made it back to camp. The ashes were firmly anchored in my pack. I was hoping to secure them in my tent before heading back to the fire to eat. I knew better than to pass by Morrigan's without some exchange. Too late, I turned to face her.

"If you have to ask yourself, then he is…_obviously_ not worth it."

"Worth it?" I chewed on the words and savored their taste, "Yes, he is worth it."

"Lucky for him that someone is willing to claim him, then," she clicked her tongue, "He must be pleasant enough in bed. At least he takes your mind from our…situation."

"I have never done…I mean…we have never done _that_," I cleared my throat, "Is there anything wrong? You seem more pensive than usual these days."

"No nothing is wrong. It is a little embarrassing to admit, in fact." I eyed her speculatively, "I am reminded of our first meeting in the wilds. I was intrigued to see such a formidable woman and…"

"There's nothing to say," I cut her off. I was referring to killing her mother, Flemmeth, of course.

"No, that is not necessary," I watched as she struggled with her pride, "Thank you for helping me. No one has ever…thank you."

"You're welcome," I started back to my tent, then had a second thought and turned, "Morrigan, You're not a complete bitch."

"Well, don't let that get around. After all, I have a reputation to uphold."

"Of that I have no doubt."

"Tis good we both understand each other, then."

It felt good to have the air cleared between Morrigan and me. Now I had only to contend with the elf. One had only to look into his aqua-green eyes to know that I had wounded him deeply. The rift was between us would not be easily rectified. I had only wished to free him of his debt. I did not want to lose his friendship in the process.

I looked down at myself and shook my head, "That will have to wait until I get cleaned up."

I ducked into my tent and found the small chest I had hidden under my bedroll. I opened it up and smiled to myself. I reached into my pack and retrieved the small sack containing Andraste's ashes. I carefully placed them into the small chest next to the dried petals of Alistair's rose.

I rummaged through another pack, "leather breaches, linen shirt...He's already seen me in these," I tossed them aside. "Oh look! My robe from the circle," I shuddered, "That's not even an option. In fact, I'll just put this out of its misery." I flexed my fingers and summoned a small blue flame, "That's should do it," I watched the hateful garment burn.

"Hot-hot_… (Blow)_…Ouch, hot!" I tossed my robe from one hand to the other. The blue flame had quickly been replaced for a red-hot one instead. I kicked open the flap of the tent and tossed the burning garment outside.

"Andraste's burning knickers!" I heard Alistair stomp out the fire.

I squeezed my eyes shut, "I can't believe this happening," I stuck my head out, "Sorry, now go away!"

"Can I come in? I brought you could use something to eat," Alistair smiled one of his beguiling wonky smiles.

"Thank you," I dipped my head slightly and batted my lashes, "No, you can't…I'm naked."

"Oh, really?" Alistair squared off his shoulders and straightened himself up, "I might like to see _that_….umm…you naked."

I gave him the once-over, "You already have," He was quite handsome in his simple leather pants and own linen shirt, "Now go away." It just wouldn't do for him to see me in this sorry state.

Alistair shifted awkwardly, "I'll just be waiting over there," He scratched his head and pointed, "…by the fire." It was hard not to miss the flush creeping up his neck into his yummy face.

I smiled as he sauntered away, "Alistair?"

"Yeesss," he turned.

"Can you send Leliana over?"

"Your wish is my command," he turned and whistled. I had hoped to get the bard.

"Chandra," Leliana called soon after.

I reached out, grabbed her arm and yanked her into the tent, "I'm in here," I answered, "I need your help. I know we haven't been close…."

"Is this about, Alistair?" Leliana piped in excitedly, "Oh my, this won't do. I'll be right back...umm…never mind. Come with me." She grabbed my arm and hauled me off in the direction of her tent.

* * *

"What do you think?" Leli stood back and examined her creation.

"Desperate," I tried to smash my breasts back into the low-cut dress, "One wrong move and this dress is going to explode. It's way too small for me."

"One look from Alistair and he'll explode," she giggled.

"I can't believe you just said that," I tried to look serious then gave into a girlish giggle of my own.

"Well it's true. This color is positively fabulous on you…with your dark hair and pale skin."

"Fabulous," I looked down at the emerald green dress that accentuated my bumps and curves, "You don't think this dress screams…Let's have sex?"

"Well, that _is_ the plan. Now here drink this…You _really_ need to relax," she handed me the flask.

I took a gulp and choked, "Where did you get this."

"I borrowed it from Oghren."

"You've seen what that stuff does to me," I complained.

"Now try to look alluring," she ignored me.

I watched Leli's forehead crease in a frown, "I'm a virgin," I smirked, "This is about as good as it gets."

Leliana made a few more adjustments before she set off to get Alistair. She had found quite the spot for my little seduction. The cozy nook was hidden behind a peninsula of jutting trees. The green curtain of plant growth was perfect in its obscurity. It blocked the wind and prying eyes. There even was a fallen log for us to sit on. Of course, she piled that with furs.

I stared at the glowing embers of the intimate fire and waited. Time slowly ticked by. I tried lounging across the log in a provocative manner; unfortunately, I kept slipping off. Then I practiced sitting up straight and sticking out my chest. When I was tired of that, I scraped the dirt from my nails. After exhausting all my other choices, I finally succumbed to shooting blue flames at the dying fire. Flame on. Flame off. The fire grew hotter. Flame on. Flame off. Hotter still.

"A pretty little bird told me that I might find you here," Alistair placed his arm casually over a low branch.

Flame on, "Pretty little bird?" I stiffened, "You think Leliana is pretty?"

"Ouch, hot!" Alistair flapped his arm like a chicken, "Of course, Leliana is pretty…No! I mean...not as pretty…Look, can you put this fire out, before I..."

"Hold still," as I tried to aim the blue orb .

"I'm trying," he grimmaced.

"There, that should do it," I looked at my handiwork.

"Don't you think this is a little over-kill," he chattered.

"The fire is out and you're only half froze," I walked over and stood before him, "Don't worry, I'll take care of it." I snapped my fingers and the blue flame appeared.

"I know I'm quite hot, but I can do without the fire," he smiled smugly.

I narrowed my eyes until they were small slits, "I'll show you hot," I turned to walk away, "You think the bard is so pretty…maybe she'll sing you a song."

Alistair reached out with his free arm and pulled me to him, "This is not about Leliana," his eyes held mine his voice gruff, "This is about us."

"You can be so obtuse at times," I pulled away, "Why do you think I'm dressed like this?"

"All right," he growled, "I really don't know how to ask you this." I watched the crystal shards of ice drop away with a simple flexing of his muscles.

"Ask me what?" I stepped back warily.

"Oh, how do I say this?" he ran a frustrated hand through his hair, "You'd think it would be easier, but every time I'm around you, I feel as if my head's about to explode. I-I can't think straight."

"Oh? That sounds like a personal problem," I stated.

"I don't mean it like that. I mean…All right, let me start over," He blocked my escape, "Here's the thing…being with you makes me crazy, but I can't imagine being without you. Not ever."

"I don't know how to say this another way," he cupped the sides of my face with his calloused hands, "I want to spend the night with you. I've…never done this before. You know that. I want it to be with you…"

"No need to say anything else, I agree," I interrupted.

"What? You're not going to fight me on this?" He arched his brow and motioned with his chin. He didn't wait for me to answer. He kissed me instead.

My voice took on a new octave, "I can always get Leli…if you want?"

* * *

He held himself above me with all the intensity and willpower of a thoughtful lover. I stared up into his perfect face. It attested to his strength and tenderness. Light sandy hair fell across his worried brow in an imperfect mess. His eyes were liquid pools of amber as they reassured mine, "Are you sure?"

The ragged emotion of his voice caused my heart to skip a beat. I reached up and let my hands linger on the sides of his uncertain face, "How can I not be?"

Then he smiled that lopsided smile, but it was not a boyish grin. It was beautifully masculine.

"I love you," he said in a husky uneven voice and then he entered me.

His mouth closed around mine as a small cry escaped. He touched my tears with his lips. I was his and he was mine. There was no turning back and nothing would be the same.


	12. Awake

_If I had to sum this chapter up in a few words I would call it __fluff-n-Stuff__. Although, I don't believe that sounds like an appropriate title. I could feel my heart begin to constrict as I thought of their relationship's demise. Hopefully, you can too as you read it. _

_I would like to send a special appreciation to those who have been following this story since the beginning: Ladyamesindy, zevgirl, aftiel, Linette33 and moemie. Most sincerely – Thank you! _

_There are others that have put me on their ff favs and alerts (you know who you are). I just want you all to know how appreciative I am of you all. Every time I get frustrated, I click on you guys and I get empowered. Sometimes it by reading your stories and sometimes just knowing you're there. _

_Thank you so very much! Galesong1234_

_P.S. I changed the rating to "M" for just incase. Hopefully, I have not offended anybody._

* * *

**Chapter 12**

**Awake**

How does one negotiate with love, for fear of breaking apart? Simply put – you don't. That did not mean I wasn't going to try.

"Don't go to sleep," Alistair whispered into my ear, "Stay awake with me – tonight."

"Hmm," I stretched out beside him, "Just for a little while," I curled my hands under my cheek and began to doze.

"This feels like a dream," he nuzzled my neck, "I-I don't want it to end."

I looked over my shoulder and studied him through my lashes. He was propped up on one elbow and watching me. I pushed myself up against him and wiggled, "What would it take for _it _to feel _real_?"

He wound his free arm around me and dragged me closer, "_(Sigh)_…for you to never leave."

I turned to face him. I let my hands travel across the plains and valleys of his upper body. His physique was lean and firm from years sparring and fighting. I splayed my fingers across his taunt belly. There was a deep intake of breath.

I pushed him down and let my lips follow the same path my hands had taken. I let them tarry just above the hard length of him. He wound his hands in my hair and urged my forward. I obliged.

"Stop! Hold the action," my mind warned, "What did my mind know anyway? Shut up, I want this."

Okay, maybe my body wanted this. Maybe, it even needed this. I wasn't about to let my heart give everything to him. After all, I was still in control.

"Liar," my heart screamed.

"Treacherous creature, my heart…one not to be taken lightly," I thought.

"Chandra," he moaned. The urging became more of a tugging.

"Whew," I snapped my jaw back into place. I let my body slide across him in a seductive caress, "I want you."

With a growl, he flipped me over and I was once more in his possession. He captured my mouth with his. Long and sweet, nipping and caressing, his lips burned a trail across my body until he stopped to feast upon my breasts. I was on fire and all I wanted was for him to put it out. I arched against him. He needed no further encouragement as he plunged deep inside me. I wrapped myself around him and we soared, a final crescendo of two hearts enraptured.

"We can now go to our graves, fighting the Archdemon, knowing that we did not die a virgin."

"This is not some one-night stand for me, you know," he brushed his thumb across my lower lip, "You mean more to me than that," he kissed me.

"I was only teasing, silly," I reached down between us, "Why so serious?"

He grabbed my hands and held them at my side. I arched wantonly against him and tried to kiss him.

"Do you regret…this?" I heard the fluctuation in is voice.

I stopped my fidgeting, "No, of course not."

"You're the first woman I've ever spent the night with, and…," His voice conveyed that deep ragged emotion that made my heart want to believe, "If I have it my way you'll be the last."

"Just shut up and kiss me, already."

* * *

"You sure we can't stop at the tavern? Just one drink," we stood just outside the main gate of Redcliffe castle, "Better yet, why don't you go?"

Alistair rested his hands on my shoulders and leaned his forehead against mine, "You will be fine. Just wait and see."

"Easy for you to say," I furrowed my brow and made a face.

"I'll be there," he kissed my forehead, "Right beside you," and then my lips.

I could hear the shouts of men and the clanging of metal ahead of us. We passed under the raised gate. They had cleared away the corrupted flesh of the walking dead. We walked through the bailey where the knights practiced and up the stairs to heal Alistair's uncle.

"I can't do this, Alistair," I gave one final protest, "I killed his son."

"You did what was best," he encouraged, "I see that now."

"You're not just saying that?" I wanted to believe.

"A long time ago, my love. If anything…it is the Arlessa's fault."

I had forgotten about her, so focused on our mission and Alistair. We had immediately departed, after the death of Connor, leaving her alone to pick up the pieces and grieve the loss of her son. No parent should have to contend with that. Eamon would, if the ashes worked.

"Alistair, he is your uncle. He will…."

"He will understand," he gave me a reassuring hug, "Ready?"

"Do I have a choice," I rolled my eyes and frowned.

* * *

"This is most troubling," Arl Eamon finally turned and regarded us, "there is much to be done, that is true. But I should be thankful to those who have done _so_ much," he pulled on his beard thoughtfully.

I had failed to come up with any spell that would allow me to dissolve into the walls and disappear. So I settled on hiding behind Alistair. He did tell me that he would be there at my side.

"Grey Warden," I sucked in my breath and looked skyward, "I know you did what you had to. I grieve for my son," I gnawed on my lower lip letting the air slowly expel, "…but I believe that had you not acted as you did, it might have been worse. I am in your debt." I arched my brows quite surprised, "Will you permit me to offer you a reward for your service?" I peered around Alistair arm.

"I need your help against the blight," I felt rather small and inconsequential, "That will do."

"I understand but regardless of your motivation," he insisted, "I feel you are worthy of a reward."

"That is not necessary," my voice sounded high, even to me.

"There is much else to do now," Teagan interrupted.

I smiled gratefully at the Arl's brother for the distraction. Ban Teagan was a fine man, worthy of much. For a moment I remembered our minor flirtation, after killing the walking dead. Perhaps under different circumstances, things could have been different between us. As it was, my heart and life were twisted around a certain Grey Warden.

"I will call a Landsmeet, a gathering of all of Ferelden's nobility in the city of Denerim," Eamon eyed his nephew thoughtfully, "There…Ferelden can decide who shall rule; one way or another."

"I don't want to be king. I never did," Alistair sounded off, "Even when Cailan died I—I guess I hoped that something else would present itself."

"You have a responsibility, Alistair. Without you, Loghain wins," I almost felt bad for Alistair as I watched him shift uncomfortably under his uncle's perusal, "I would have to support him, for the sake of Ferelden. Is that what you want?"

"I…but I…No, my Lord," Alistair snapped his mouth shut. Whatever Alistair thought of this man, I did not like his Uncle's effect on him.

"What do you say, my friend?" here it came, "I do not wish to proceed without your blessing," more salt on the wound.

"My blessing?" I smiled ineffectively, "Why do you need my blessings?"

"None of this would be possible without you," his eyes never left mine, "I am a credible enough figure to call a landsmeet, but I hold not illusions that I could face Loghain alone. Truly, you see that."

Alistair was lost in his own thoughts to be of any support, "What are my options?"

"We could attempt to wage a military campaign against Loghain," Eamon argued, "But even if we win…would we have enough forces to defeat the darkspawn?"

"No," Teagan interjected, "But neither would Loghain."

"It seems we have little choice," I answered for all of us.

"Very well, I will send out the word…We'll set out for Denerim immediately," Eamon gave the final marching orders.

* * *

_(Alistair)_

"I'm going to need a bridge to get to your tent, love….You've just about paced yourself a mote." Chandra stopped long enough to glare at me.

"K-i-n-g," she mouthed slowly as if I didn't know already, "You're going to be king."

"That is the initial plan," even as I tried not to dwell too much on it.

"What now?" I watched as she walked herself into a frenzy, "Do I call you…My Lord?"

"Of course not," I gave into my own frustration, "_(Sigh)…_I never thought I'd find someone like you. I love you. You know that, right? I never wanted to be king, but I won't refuse if it's in the best interest of the nation."

"Hold me, Alistair. I feel like our world is about to end," She threw herself into my arms.

"I'll tell you one thing," I lifted her chin to look into her eyes, "I don't intend to let you get away, if that's what you're thinking. King or no king, I'll find a way to make it work." I said for her benefit as much as mine.


	13. No Glittering Gem

_I dicided to break this section into two smaller chapters instead of one really large one. _

_For all of you who are new to the story, stay tuned...Nate is on his way. As for all of you who have kept up the journey, thank you. _

_I was more excited about Nate when I first set out to write this story...now I am sad about Alistair (sigh)._

_No turning back! Galesong1234_

* * *

**Chapter 13**

**No Glittering Gem**

_(Chandra)_

I stood in the middle of the heart and soul of Ferelden. Denerim was not quite the glittering jewel I had expected. It was a mecca for trade and commerce, along with poverty and despair. The aroma of Antivian perfume rose above the sweat and filth of misfortunate souls. Even in its pungency, it could not dispel the smell of rotting vegetables and sewage. Bright Orlaisian fabrics floated in the sluggish wind adding color to the brown cluttered masses that resembled houses. While the vendors, selling their wares, became a singsong menagerie of chortles and grunts.

"Sten was right," I chuckled to myself, "Ferelden did smell like wet dogs."

"What do you find so amusing," Alistair nudged me playfully.

"Oh, you know," I mused, "Those snorting sounds you make when you sleep."

"Snorting sounds?" he looked crestfallen.

"Yeesss – snorting sounds," I pushed the tip of my nose back for emphasis, "As in oink-oink."

"Oh, really?" Alistair chuckled, "Because I had the _distinct_ feeling that…you were referring to yourself."

"I don't snore," I said vehemently.

"No, but you do talk in your sleep," he insisted.

"And pray tale, good sir," I folded my hands together demurely and rested my chin on them, "What do I say?"

"That you find me charming, witty and…," Alistair rocked on his heals a self-satisfied smile tugging at the corner of his lips, "…did I mention, quite handsome."

I rolled my eyes, "Don't forget lack-brain and thickheaded."

"Oh, dear lady, you wound me to the core," while he made stabbing motions to his heart.

"Perish the thought," I raised my arm and dramatically pressed the back of my wrist to my forehead, "That I might swoon."

"Then I'll just have to swoop down," he pulled me into his arms and rubbed his nose against mine, "And catch you."

"I remember clearly," I jabbed him with my forefinger, "You saying…swooping is bad."

"Nothing is _ever_ bad with you, my love," he reached for my hand and brought it to his lips, "Except being without you."

"Hmmm," I smirked, "You say that now – you just wait."

"Oh ho, is that a threat," He arched his manly brow.

"I never threat," I turned and batted my lashes innocently, "Only promise. Besides, I can always turn you into a toad, you know." It brought to mind the memory of our first meeting, when he asked if I was a mage or not.

"Then it seems…I am quite safe," he folded his hands behind his head and smiled smugly, "Because I'm always…_nice_."

I stretched out my arms and wiggled my fingers, "Just for that I should…"

"Come here, you," he pulled me to him, "Have I told how much I love you today?"

"No," I pursed my lips and tapped them deliberately, "But I'm always open to overtures of affection."

"I'll just have to fix that," he brushed his lips across mine, "Won't I?"

"Mmmm," I wound my arms around his neck and returned his kiss. Isochronally, our tongues sought and fleeted while our thoughts danced around the obvious.

We walked around the vendor's carts, now and again stopping to enjoy their wares. Sometimes I would run ahead to admire some interesting token, only to have Alistair pull me back to his side. I smiled and laughed at his silly jokes. Occasionally, Alistair would stop to kiss me. For a brief time we forgot that we were grey wardens and he was going to be a king. In that, there was anonymity. To any spectator we were two lovers enjoying the day.

* * *

We stood before the entrance of Eamon's estate. "Shall we, my dear?" Alistair motioned, "After all, we have a date with destiny."

"After you, my lord," I curtsied.

We had barely enough time to brush the dirt from our feet when we were personally greeted by Eamon, "I've been expecting you. It seems your arrival has not gone unnoticed."

There was no time to ponder Eamon's words as he extended his hand in greeting, "Loghain, this is…an honor, that the Regent would find time to greet me personally. You remember Alistair and the _other_ grey warden."

"Considering Ostagar, perhaps we need a better general," Alistair might have chosen to remain diplomatically quiet, but I held no such qualms.

"Ah, the grey warden," Loghain's sharp features strained to remain composed, "I thought we might meet again. You have my sympathies on what happened to your order. It is unfortunate that they chose to turn against Ferelden,"

Alistair stiffened beside me, I imagined he assimilated Loghain's blatant lack of recognition. I shot Alistair a fleeting glance, his outrage was masked by his uncharacteristic placidity.

I lifted my chin and addressed Loghain, "I don't accept the sympathies of deserters and regicides."

"You should curb you tongue," the Regent threatened, "This is my city and no safe place to speak treason for anyone," the vein in his forehead pulsated beneath his angry red features.

Loghain turned to Eamon; I was no more that just a discarded nuisance, "There is talk that your illness left you forever feeble."

There conversation continued, the Regent's civilities no longer held my interest. I studied the man behind Loghain openly. He had remained silent during our exchange. His beak-like nose hooked over straight thin lips on his pinched face.

"How long you've been away from court, Eamon?" as if Loghain didn't already know, "Don't you remember Rendan Howe? Arl of Amaranthine, Tern of Highever…"

"And the current Arl of Denerim," Rendan Howe cut in, "Since Urien's unfortunate fate at Ostagar the Regent has been…generous to those who prove Loyal."

I winced in visible shock, "That's a lot of titles for one man to have." Howe's flyspeck grey eyes casually assessed me, his summation dismissing. "One day you will not be so lucky," I quickly recovered.

"Don't interrupt, churl…your betters are talking," warned Loghain's personal lackey.

Ser Cauthrien was a thin faced young woman with dark hair that was severely tied back. She was never far from Tern Loghain. She was rumored to be by Loghain's side during the fatal battle at Ostagar where Loghain quit the field, leaving the grey wardens and King Cailan to die in battle.

"Enough, Cauthrien, this is not the time or the place," Loghain warned, "I had hoped to talk you down from this rash course, Eamon. Our people are frightened. Our king is dead. Our land is under siege…"

"You're the one who divided Ferelden," I practically frothed.

Loghain's eyes narrowed, "I was not talking to you."

"I cannot forgive what you've done, Loghain," Eamon was resolute, "Perhaps the maker can, but No I. Our people deserve a king of the Theirin bloodline. Alistair will be the one to lead us to victory in this blight."

"Oh, is that all I have to do? No pressure," Alistair chimed in with his usual glibness.

I shot Alistair a quick glance and silently mouthed, "Way to go." He simply clinched his jaw and ran an impatient hand through his disheveled hair.

"The Emperor of Orlais thought I could not bring him down," Loghain threatened before he and his entourage turned and left.

"What do we do now?" I asked Eamon not the least bit affronted.

He had purposely dropped my name at the beginning of the meeting. He said he did not hold any ill feelings toward me, for the death of his son, but I was wary none-the-less.

"Calling the Landsmeet is only the start," Eamon regarded Alistair, "We need eyes and ears in the city. Loghain has been here for some time. It can be assumed the roots of all his schemes begin here. We have no small task ahead of us."

"As soon as the others arrive, I will dispatch…," I began.

"We'll dispatch the Zevran and Lelianna," Alistair interrupted.

"Yes…Zev's assassin skills, along with Leli's bard skills, will be quite useful," I felt slighted. Alistair refused to acknowledge me as he basked in the presence of his uncle.


	14. Plans in Motion

_This chapter is dedicated to Shacary. Here you go, girlfriend! Hope it will not dissappoint as I am about wrote out this weekend. _

_A special shout goes to my friend Enaid Aderyn and her story "Recreation" - it's worth a smile or two. _

_Thank you everyone for everything. I hold you all close to my heart. Thank you! Galesong1234_

* * *

**Chapter 14**

**Plans in Motion**

Alistair and Eamon walked ahead, their heads bent in casual conversation. They turned the corner, neither looking back. I was left alone to my own thoughts, "When did Alistair start making decisions? Moreover, that was his decision. What was the difference?"

"Goldanna was the difference," answering my own question.

I had difficulty believing that she was Alistair's sister, even though he insisted otherwise. The harpy had dejected his claim and booted us out. I wanted to rip out her throat for causing Alistair grief. Instead, I pulled him away and focused on Denerim's square, not before telling him that he alone had the power to change his world.

I hastened my pace to find Alistair. During my reverie I had lost track of them. I bumbled through another doorway nearly colliding with a servant. Alistair and his uncle were nowhere to be found. For a few short breaths the inner child in me panicked. I was reminded of the first time I was sent to Tower as well as the first time I left. Each harbored significantly different events, yet both frightened me in their immensity.

In the last year I had shed my robes as a mage, both heart and soul. I have gutted and drunk the blood of darkspawn, an ends to a means. I have spilled the blood of my enemies and some not. I have helped in the capture my friend, Jowan – a painful solution. I had stared into the face of temptation, killing demon and child. I have rejected the advances of a persistent elf assassin. The one thing that stood above them all, I lost my heart to a templer.

After the fall of Ostagar, the death of the king, Duncan and the rest of the grey wardens, Alistair had left me to pick up the pieces. To what end? For this – we defeating the blight all hinged on us gaining favor at the Landsmeet so that a templer may become king.

Servants hustled about doing their tedious lots. I was told that most of them were city elves. They were third class citizens who, for all purposes, might as well be a slave. As luck would have it, one noticed my plight and wordlessly showed me to my room.

A hospitable fire projected a friendly glow over the cold grey stones, as did the tapestries that hung on them. Couches laden with embroidered pillows appealed to my weariness. The four-bolster bed to the side of the room held the promise of something later. It was grander than anything I had ever slept in or could remember; yet, it lacked the one thing I sought – Alistair.

I turned to ask the young serving girl where the templar was, but she had already left. With a heavy sigh and a much-needed stretch, I flung myself across the bed. I tapped my foot impatiently against the side and waited.

"Maybe it's time to put on that pretty dress I promised you," Alistair jested.

Startled, I shot out of bed, "Where have you been?"

"Remind me not to get on your bad side," Alistair held up his hands in warding.

"Bad side?" I shot daggers with my eyes, "I've only just begun." I wanted to beat the conceited grin from his handsome face.

"Ho, ho," Alistair stepped back, "I thought we agreed we like the way I look."

I balled up my fist and swung, "Ouch!" I cradled my hand against my chest, "You're lucky I'm short."

Alistair reached for my hand, "Let me see."

"It's fine…I'm fine…you're fine. It will all be fine," I fumed.

"Yes, I'm fine…you're very fine…and we're definitely fine together," his voice was a sensual caress in my hear, "As for being too short? Mmmm, I would argue differently." He grabbed my hips and thrust himself against me, "See, perfect fit."

"Quit it," It was a feeble protest.

Alistair raised my clenched hand to his mouth and caressed it with his lips. The warmth of his light kisses was nothing compared to the warmth pressed against my waist.

"You want to practice licking lampposts," my lover shamelessly hinted.

"I think I'm going to be sick," Morrigan announced her arrival.

"Err…Umm…we'll get to that a little later, I think." Alistair narrowly escaped being plowed over by one very large qunari.

"Coward," I yelled at Alistair's retreating form.

"This is not as defensive as I wish," entered Sten holding a stack of cookies, "but it will have to do."

"If one more servant ask me if I need another change of clothes," Morrigan complained, "I will set the house on fire," referring to her lack of clothing.

I walked over to the fire and plopped down on the couch, "Maker, help me."

* * *

"You went where?" Alistair paced around the immense dining table in an obvious tirade.

"I went to the Pearl," I picked up an apple and studied it. We had just returned from our little jaunt into Denerim when Alistair came looking for me.

"You went to a whorehouse," I watched the muscles in Alistair's jaw tighten as he worked to control his anger. Truth be told, I was more stunned that he knew what one was.

"I didn't go alone, if that's what you're worried about," I took a bite out of the apple and chewed, "I went with Zev."

"Oh! That's even better," He threw up his hands, "To play kissy-face with the elf?"

"What, you don't trust me now?" more than just slightly annoyed.

"I don't trust him," Alistair motioned with his chin.

"Hey," Zev raised his hands before him, "I'm the innocent one here, yes?" He had been patiently standing there the whole time enjoying the show.

"Rendan Howe hired someone named Peadan," I flung the note at him, "And his goons…to kill us."

"You've could have been hurt," his expression softened.

"She can take care of herself," Zev interrupted. "She's really quite good," he winked at me and smiled, "With a sword."

Alistair took a step forward, his anger renewed. He cupped my chin and turned my face, "Then what do you call that?"

My hand flew to my cheek, "A scratch." Alistair was commenting on the scrape I received from my assailant's armor while ducking out of the way.

"Don't be so absurd, Alistair," I jerked my chin out of his grasp, "Your uncle is waiting for us."

"I know when I'm not welcome," Zevran moved to the table and poured him some wine, "I'll just wait here, no?"

* * *

"Ah, Warden," Eamon motioned for me to enter, "I trust you've made yourself comfortable?" Alistair was fast on my heels and made a B-line for the bookshelves.

"Yes," I graciously shook the hand he offered, "Very nice."

"Good. Because it's likely to be your last rest for a while." It seemed I had just become Eamon's favorite person, or did I detect a hint of irony in his sincerity?

"This is Erlina, she's…"

"I am Queen Anora's handmaiden. She sent me here to ask for your help."

I folded my arms and waited, "Why would Loghain's daughter want to help us?"

"The Queen, she is in a difficult position," Erlina careened uncomfortably, "She loved her husband, no…and trusted her father to protect him. When he returns with no king and only dark rumors, what does she think?"

"Obviously, there is a point to this story…Just get to it." I was tired of listening to this woman. For the first time, since leaving the Tower, I felt trapped. Like a caged animal, I wanted to run.

"She worries, no? But when she tries to speak with him he does not answer. So she goes to Howe and she demands answers."

"You waist my time," I turned to leave.

"I think her life is in danger," she hastened, "I heard Howe say she would be a greater ally dead than alive," her eyes darted from me to Eamon, "Especially if her death could be blamed on Arl Eamon."

I studied the dark-haired elf with newfound interest, "Give me one good reason to believe this crazy story."

"Because you do not want Loghain ruling Ferelden, and if Anora can speak at the Landsmeet…her voice can sway the nobles."

* * *

_(Alistair)_

I was still reeling from my argument with Chandra,when we entered into my uncle's chambers, that I paid little attention to the elf's request. I finally found something that made sense in my life. That someone was Chandra and now that was being taken away from me as well. The more I tried to keep her close, the further I pushed her away.

Don't go, please! This could be a trap." She ignored me while she strapped on her blades.

"You heard what your uncle said," she turned her back to me and I helped her cinch up her armor, "We don't have a choice."

"Then send the others instead," I appealed.

"I have a debt to pay." She said it in a way that it sounded like she was going to sacrifice herself, and I didn't like it one bit.

"This is killing me," I spun her around to face me, "Knowing that you're in danger and I can't be there." She smiled and I knew I had already been dismissed.

"You're gonna have to get use to this, Alistair," My heart somersaulted when she spoke my name, "As king, you will have to send others to do your bidding...including me." This was another reason to hate being King Maric's bastard son.

"You're more important to me than anything," I was desperate, "Including the crown."

I followed her out the door to where the assassin waited, "If something happens to her, Zevran…I will have your head."

"Regardless of what I may feel about you, Alistair…it doesn't change how I feel about her." Chandra stood quietly and watched our exchange.

I didn't care that Zevran was standing there or even my uncle. If Andraste, herself, materialized, I still wouldn't have cared as I crushed her to me and branded her with my lips. Kissing Chandra was like breathing, I could't live without.

"I love you," I mouthed against the side of beautiful face.

"I know," she uttered as I watched her slip away.


	15. The Bloody Business of Vengeance

_This part was going to be a small blip at the beginning of the chapter. However, it seemed to have a life all its own. So I went with it. I dedicate this one to my 18 year old son for his sick suggestions =)._

_Thank you to my small intimate fan-base. You are an inspiration to my trying times. You are very much respected and appreciated. Thank you for your words of encouragement and inspiration. God Bless, Galesong1234_

_

* * *

_

Update: A special thanks go out to my editor, Enaid Aderyn, for her humorous corrections. =)

* * *

**Chapter 15**

**The Bloody Business of Vengeance**

_(Chandra)_

"Behind you," Zev screamed.

I looked over my shoulder, catching a clear glimpse of what could have been my end. An agile side step liberated me from a mortal blow from behind. The sword swooshed past me, raising the hairs on my neck.

Too late and too many, the crow assassins were circling us with lethal dexterity. I stamped my foot and clapped my hands overhead, much as an unruly child would. The ground thundered and boomed beneath us, toppling my enemies and me in the process.

I struggled to regain my footing when a crow, with a jagged scar over a missing eye, lunged for me. I rolled to the left and covered my face with my arms. Dirt and pebbles sprayed across me as the double-sided battle-ax buried itself in the ground. My assailant hoisted his blood-crusted ax back for another attempt. I gathered the earth around me into a magical sphere and released my fury. He flew back into his comrades knocking them back to ground.

Their numbers were dwindling, but so was my mana. No time to think and no time scream, I writhed under another onslaught of daggers and swords. I crossed my twin blades in front of me, hoping to block some of the damage. I made a furtive glance for Zev.

Zev was ducking and weaving, slicing fearlessly through a handful of crows. We had been ambushed in a back alley by former friends of Zev, the crows. There were too many for us and they were coming hard and fast.

These brutish executioners regained their ground, sending an onslaught of sword and ax blows my way. I quickly eluded and parried the attacks, dodging left and right. My diminishing stamina held no success in this apparent struggle, only the unceasing volley of attacks.

A much-needed mishap embroiled my attention. This would have escaped any novice swordsman, but I had caught a fault in their battle style. First, three sword carrying killers would attack, then a mighty slash from an ax, followed by two other swordsmen. If there were any hope to when this battle, I would have to take out their heavy hitter.

The first volley of attacks came, as if in slow motion. I parried two of the hellions and swiftly struck the last with a lightning bolt, sending him meters away. The goliath was as big as a bear. This brute of a man sliced vertically in my direction. I shifted my position, the ax beat heavily into the ground. Quickly stomping my foot onto the ax, I ripped through the air with my twin blades to meet my assailer's neck. His head gyrated into the air while his body felled like a towering oak. The other two swordsmen rushed me, swinging violently in every direction. The butt of one of my blades met harshly with one's face, the other blade ripping through the sword wielder's chest.

Blood and sweat mingled together to form pink tears. They ran down my face and blurred my vision. The sun was high and the air reeked of death. I inhaled deeply, each breath burned my chest. My brief hiatus was cut short by a golden haired elf. She vaulted over the dead, slicing through the air and into my flesh. A stinging sensation ripped through my arm causing me to drop one of my blades. The elf back flipped and I managed to catch her midair with a blow to the neck, impaling her into the ground.

I swallowed hard to catch my breath and clear the vertigo. My left arm was useless as blood poured from the slash. I placed my foot on the body for leverage and wrestled my blade free. In the momentum I twisted and stumbled into a sword. Shock and dismay were evident on my face as I stared down at the long slender blade embedded in my abdomen.

In a fog of pain and exhaustion, I lifted my head to stare at my impaler, "And here is the mighty grey warden at long last," his mouth twisted in a feral snarl, "The crows send their greetings, once again." He wrenched his blade free.

I clutched my gut and staggered back, "Something is vitally wrong," my mind vaguely registered, "Zev must not have seen."

"So they sent you, Taliensen?" Zev spat from behind, "Or did you volunteer for the job?" He was the last crow standing.

"I volunteered, of course. When I heard that the great Zevran had gone rogue, I simply had to see for myself," Taliensen's words oozed with nauseating honesty.

"Is that so?" Zev's reply was cold and calculating, "Well here I am, in the flesh."

"You can return with me, Zevran. I know why you did this, and I don't blame you," Taliensen's eyes landed on me and he smiled wickedly, "It's not too late. Comeback and we'll make up a story. Anyone can make a mistake."

I eyed both crows warily, "Of course I'd need to be dead, first."

"And I'm not about to let that happen," Zev slid his blade into his friend's chest.

Taliensen slumped over, his last breath a gasp.

* * *

_(Alistair)_

"I should have gone with her!" I slammed my fist onto my uncle's large mahogany desk.

"Not if you are to be king," My uncle blotted at the ink I had spilt, "We cannot afford for your hands to be soiled."

"So we let her take the fall?" I turned and paced, "She's not a pawn," I seethed.

"No, she's a distraction," I didn't like the tone my uncle had taken, "She knows what she has to do and so do you."

"First and foremost I am a grey warden," I insisted.

"For the time being I will give you that," my uncle deferred, "I am not so old that I don't understand your infatuation with the girl. After all, she is quite lovely."

I stopped short of the desk and leaned forward, "What are you saying, Uncle?"

"How do I put it delicately…she is not your equal. You will need to find a suitable wife worthy to bear you heirs."

My fingers clenched the sides of the desk until my knuckles turned white, "Worthy of a bastard?" I hissed between clenched teeth, "And for the record, uncle…Chandra is not some infatuation."

"I understand," Eamon briefly smiled, "Completely."

"Good," I still wasn't satisfied, "We will discuss this later."

* * *

_(Chandra)_

"Whew," I breathed, "For a moment there…you had me wondering." My vision blurred and I dropped to my knees.

Zevran rushed to my side, "Let's just say I like to keep you on your toes," concern knitted his brow, "Or are you going to ignore my advice?"

"It's nothing, really," I pushed his hands away, "It's just a scratch."

"For such a beautiful grey warden," he reached for a scrap of material from one of the dead, "You are a terrible liar, no?"

"I'm sorry, Zev," He ignored my hand and tried to staunch the blood flow, "About…Alistair."

"Ahhh, don't be, my sweet lady. I never asked you for anything, did I?" I detected the hint of sadness in his voice, "This isn't working," he frowned.

I bit back the pain and laughed, "You just want to get my clothes off," he helped me with my chest piece, "I just need my pack."

Zev grabbed it from my hands and reached in for some bandages. He handed me the vial of blue liquid then turned to examine my wound, "Alistair is going to have my head," he gulped, "We should turn back."

I tilted back my head and swallowed the wretched blue lyrium. I closed my eyes tightly and chanted, "See? Not so bad." I removed my blood soaked hand and showed him the red angry line across my abdomen.

"That's a nice parlor trick," he seemed satisfied and helped me with my amor, "Think you can teach me that?"

"Afraid not," I accepted his hand up, "It's a mage thing." I didn't have the heart to tell him that my left arm was still numb, "Shall we?"

"I'm with you until the end…provided you do not tire of me first. Or I die. Or you die. Or…."

* * *

_(Alistair)_

"What's wrong, Leli?" I tucked my mother's amulet back under my padded shirt beneath my armor.

She wrung her hands fretfully, "I received word from some of our informants."

"And…," I walked over to her, "What did they find out?"

"Alistair," she forestalled, "They were attacked by Crow assassins."

I grabbed her by the shoulders and shook, "Is she…," I couldn't say the words, "Is she alive?"

"Yes!" she was quick to reply, "But not without damage."

"Damage?" I held my breath and waited.

"They were hit hard by at least a dozen," she bit at her bottom lip in distress, "There was evidence that they sustained some injuries."

"Where are they?" I rushed to the door barely able to speak.

"They were last seen entering Rendan Howe's estate."

I sighed heavily, a deep sinking feeling formed in the pit of my stomach. I walked over to the table and poured me a draft of something strong, "Then all we can do…is wait."


	16. Rescued

_Heavy sigh. This chapter was harder to write than 'Ashes for Eamon.' I think it's going to be this way until I get through the transition from Alistair to Nathaniel._

_A special praise goes to Shacary as I borrowed the first line of this chapter from her. Thank you._

_Of course, I have a long list of thank yous that I would love to tell all my ff fans. I would like to tell each and everyone personally, thank you for hanging in there and keeping up. You're great. I have a few intimate friends on this site who mean the world to me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart._

_I've already waisted enough time, so I think I'll just post this..._

_I hope you enjoy! galesong1234_

* * *

**Chapter 16**

**Rescued**

_(Chandra)_

"Hurry up," I tapped my foot impatiently, "We need to find this mage in order to rescue the queen."

We were held up in Howe's personal chambers disguised as one of his men-at-arms. With the exception of a nod or two, nobody gave us a great deal of notice. I was beginning to feel rather confident that Anora's rescue would go without any incidences. That was until we got there and found out that her chamber door was magically sealed.

Zevran looked over his shoulder, "My lovely grey warden…some things require a firm stroking while others require a delicate fondling."

I placed my hand on my hip and gave an exaggerated laugh, "Are we talking about your skills as a rogue or your skills in the bed?"

There was a click and a sliding of a bolt, "Is there a difference?"

"Stop being such a flirt," I slapped him upside the head, "We have a rescue to do."

"Tsk-tsk…all work and no play," he winked with his devilish grin, "Makes for a very sad Zev today."

I pushed him out of my way and opened the door, "Sorry! But play time is over."

He rolled onto his feet in one fluid motion and followed me below, "Nothing like a dark narrow passage to make a man feel obliged."

"Who goes there," the astonished guard questioned as we stepped through another door.

We were immediately taken back when someone reached through the cell doors and grabbed the guard from behind. There was an unpleasant snap and the guard collapsed to the ground.

Zev pulled out his twin blades and crouched in front of me, "What are you doing," I questioned.

"Taking point while presenting my assets," the irritating elf smirked.

"The only thing pointy is your ears," I kicked him in his impertinent arse, "Besides…I don't need any protecting. Someone has beat you to it."

He stepped to the side and flashed me a grin, "I have a more pointy attribute than my ears."

"See this?" I covered my ears, "This is me not listening." We heard keys rattling followed by a click. "What do you think," I elbowed the elf as we watched the guard's body slide across the floor to disappear into the prison cell, "Friend or foe?"

"Friend," answered the middle-aged man as he stepped over the guard's body, "Thank you for creating a distraction, stranger."

"Impressive moves there, old man," I was quick to note that he looked quite put together while he finished dressing in the dead guard's armor.

He tested the fit, "Perhaps introductions are in order, if only so you never call me that again." He tipped his dark head in my direction, "I am Riordan, Senior Grey Warden of Jader. And you…must be Duncan's last recruit," he regarded me with interest, "Yes, you match his description."

I eyed him suspiciously, "Duncan is dead and so is the king. Where were you?"

"Yes, I know," he sounded sincere, "We had two-hundred wardens and two dozen divisions of cavalries waiting. The first we heard of Loghain's edict was when everyone was turned back at the border."

"Then you probably know that we are being blamed for the massacre?"

"Yes, we had heard that. We finally decided it safest to send someone alone to learn how best to fight the Blight and this regime simultaneously."

"So they sent you?" I grabbed my numb arm and let out a slow breath, "The Archedomen's nearly here!" The reality of our plight once more hitting home, "Will we have no help?"

"As a native Ferelden I volunteered," Riordan leaned heavily on his left side, "The other Warden's won't risk their strength fighting Ferelden's civil war. If Ferelden is too foolish to save itself," he pressed his hand to his forehead, "At least we'll be ready when the Archedemon leads its forces further."

"If we don't take out Loghain, this all is for not," I spoke out mostly to myself.

"I will send a message as soon as we are gone from this place," he turned to exit.

"First, I have business with Howe," my hand tightened around my sword.

"I will seek you out later…after I find a good physician," he reached for my damaged arm. When I did not return his grasp he inclined his head, "And, good luck….sister."

* * *

With an explosive bang and a splintering of wood, I kicked the door of the dungeon open and threw my dagger at Howe's personal mage before he had time to react. The mage clutched his chest and fell to the ground, a soft mewing sound gurgled from his lips.

"So the little witch has finally come to claim her vengeance?" hissed Rendan Howe.

"I wondered if you remembered me," I unsheathed my remaining blade with my uninjured arm.

"How can we forget the child prodigy?" he shook his head, "Such a disappointment…"

I continued towards him, "You've butchered and killed everyone," I raised my blade to strike, "That I have ever cared about or loved."

"Yes, every last one of them," he sneered but didn't flinch, "Just like I'm going to kill you."

"Not before you die!" I ran towards him.

I misjudged. In the heat of my anger I had failed to notice the other mage and a handful of men-at-arms lurking in the shadows to my right. I had assumed that Howe would be alone with his mage. I over calculated my chances and now I would suffer the consequences.

"Tsk-tsk," Howe lectured, "Didn't the Tower teach you to control that temper of yours?" I was paralyzed from the neck down, "Remember what you did to your brother?" He circled around me and pierced me with his blade, "It's really too bad I don't have time for this." He stabbed me once again in the abdomen, "Torturing you would be most…What is the word I am looking for? Oh, yes…_gratifying_."

The mage's paralysis spell wore off. I dropped to one knee still clutching my sole blade. My chest heaved as I took in large breaths of air. I closed my eyes and called forth the elements. My magic formed an ominous shield of white around me while my eyes flashed fiery red vengeance. The magnitude of its power lit the darkened recesses of the stifling room. As a sponge absorbs water, I drew its power into me and slowly rose. An explosion of arcane light burst from my body in waves of isotropy. Howe and his henchmen flew back against the walls in a deafening clack of metal.

I turned to the last mage and summoned the vilest spell I knew. The mage screamed in torment as his veins pulsated and bulged. I concentrated the power into a black vaporous dagger of death. The mage clawed at his face while blood oozed from his pores. With a final agonizing cry the mage exploded. Blood fountained from his body to mingle with my own.

With the last of my magic I performed one final paralysis spell of my own. Howe and his remaining henchman froze in their stance. I walked purposely to Howe and lifted my blade. I thrust it forward, its length slid into his gut. Howe's mouth gaped open in astonishment as blood trickled out, "I deserved more…"

I wrenched my blade free and slashed it across his throat, "This is all you get."

Blood sprayed across me as his body splashed to the wet red stones. I crumbled to the ground next to him and waited for my death while Howe's remaining henchmen began to thaw.

"What is this? You started the party without me?" Zev limped through the door, bloodied and sore.

I smiled weakly as my rescuer made mincemeat of the last five guards, "You know me and parties," I took a breath, "Couldn't wait to tear into those presents."

"Don't tell me it's a scratch," he chastised and was instantly at my side.

"Would you believe me if I did?" I pushed myself up into a sitting position, "Seriously, I was just resting my head."

"And I'm the king of Antivia," his satirical voice was laced with concern.

"Really? If you help me up," I extended my hand, "I would surely bow." The reality of those words was closer to the truth than I was willing to share with my favorite assasin.

"We need to get out of here," I wavered considerably as he helped me up, "The alarm has been sounded."

"See to the others," I leaned against a table for support, "While I catch my breath."

Zev came back, "The templar is too far gone in his lyrium neurosis, but he gave me this," he handed me a ring, "Sister and Alfstanna were the only two things I could comprehend."

I looked at the ring and gave back to him, "Hold on to this until we get back to Eamon's estate."

"Your not planning on coming with me...are you," it was a statement not a question.

"I'll be right behind you," I promised, "What about Vaughan?"

"The Arl of Denerim met with an unfortunate accident."

"Zev," I berated, "We needed his voice at the Landsmeet."

"He was a rapist and a butcher of elves," his anger plainly seen, "You would have me release him?"

"We could have dealt with him…" I sighed, "Never mind, I want you to make sure Oswyn gets back to Dragon's Peak," I fondly squeezed his hand, "Stay behind…just until you know that I have made it out of the castle…then get Oswyn to safety."

"What about Anora," Zev questioned.

"I can handle her," he looked skeptical, "I'll be right behind you."

"There's no more lyrium or healing potions," concerned furrowed his brow once more, "You used them up healing Oswyn."

"I have enough mana to complete the job," I lied.

* * *

I trusted Zev to carry out my orders as I continued ahead to release Anora. Each step I took was a labor of strength and determination. There was nothing left, but the sheer hope that all would end as well as it began.

My borrowed armor had become an impediment to my weary body. Like breadcrumbs for for the lost, I let my armor drop one-by-one. They cluttered the blood trail that zigzagged behind me where I had walked.

"It's about time," Erlina complained.

I scowled at the elf as I unlocked the door to Anora's prison, "Aren't you a little short for a guard?"

"Funny, very funny," Anora imperiously paraded past me in the same garb I had worn, "We must be quick and avoid notice."

"Too late for that," I pointed to the entrance where Ser Gauthtrien and two dozen guards waited.

Anora shoved the helmet onto her head and waited for me to lead. I strode past her walking rather ungainly.

"Warden," Ser Cauthrien shouted, "In the name of the Regent, I am placing you under arrest for the murder of Rendan Howe and his men-at-arms."

I braced my legs slightly apart and, for a moment, concentrated on the stone floor slick with blood. My lifeforce streamed down my leg in heavy rivulets of sweat and death. I took a shallow breath and lifted my head, "I'm here to free Anora, who was held captive."

"Don't be ridiculous. The queen isn't being held prisoner here or anywhere else," it was obvious she didn't believe me, "Her father would never stand for such a thing."

I rolled my eyes and shook my head, "Time for a new tactic," I thought.

"She's right here," I reached for the queen's arm and flung her forward, "Tell her, Anora!"

She stumbled to the ground, "Ser Cauthrien! Praise the Maker, you're here," Anora sobbed, "This brigand tried to kidnap me."

"You double-crossing bitch," I spat.

_

* * *

_

_(Alistair)_

"She has not failed yet," Sten replied, "Why question her skills now?"

I ran a frustrated hand through my hair and took another gulp of ale, "Because she is…," I wanted to say my life but knew the qunari wouldn't understand, "Because she the only other grey warden in all of Ferelden."

"That's not true," Riordan walked through the door of Eamon's study.

"Riordan?" I reached out and took his hand, "By the maker…"

"Yes, my friend," he embraced me, "I am sorry to hear about Duncan."

"Did you bring any reinforcements?" I was quick to ask.

"Sadly, no! I was taken hostage by Loghain," he explained, "I was rescued by our sister grey warden…"

"Chandra!" I broke in, "Where is she?"

"She said she had business with Rendan Howe…"

I didn't wait for him to finish. I gathered up my sword and headed for the door. I ran down the steps and nearly trampled, "Anora?"

"Where's Eamon?" the queen shouted.

"What, in Andraste's name, has happened," Eamon questioned behind Anora, "Are you alright?" We followed Eamon back down the stairs in to the main hall.

Anora held her hand to her heart, "I may have done a terrible thing."

"What's this," Zevran walked breathlessly through the main estate doors, "She throws her savior to the wolves and now she has second thoughts?"

"Where is she," I threw the elf against the wall and held him there by his throat, "I should kill you right now. If anything has happened to her…"

"Stop it!" Leli came tearing across the room, "It's not his fault," she beated on my arms until I released the elf.

I watched as he grasped his throat, "She betrayed," Zevran gasped and pointed, "That bitch betrayed us."

* * *

_(Chandra)_

There was an ear shattering scream and the smell of burning flesh. The woman flung herself forward, her body taunt as she reached the end of her chains. Back against the wall she crashed again, writhing in undeniable pain. I wanted to block my ears from the woman's constant cries. When I tried, I realized they were mine.

Sometime later, I don't know how long…

"You look like you've been dragged through ten kinds of crap, friend," the gruff voice spoke from the distance, "What'd you do?"

"I trusted the wrong person…"

"Now that sounds like a tale," the gruff voice grated in my ear like metal scraping the ground.

"My friends are coming for me…"

"You think so, do you," the mean gruff voice questioned and then laughed.

"Alistair will come for me. You'll see…"

* * *

I could not imagine the magnitude of how utterly terrible I looked. I could only judge by the shocked expression on my rescuer's handsome face. I had no strength or way to replenish my manna; thus, I remained in the same position my tormenters had discarded me. I was sure of this by the offensive smell that permeated around me. I laid in my own bile, blood and defecation.

"Alistair!" I croaked, "I knew you'd come. I was just telling my friend…," It hurt to talk and he looked so serious.

Exaggerated and swollen, I attempted a lopsided smile. To my own amusement, I thought it might have resembled Alistair's on a bad day of course. Alistair was not impressed.

"Thank the maker, you're all right!" Alistair was quickly at my side.

He gently folded me into his lap and shielded my nakedness with his strong arms. Alistair did not seem too repulsed. I wouldn't go as far as saying that I smelled like roses. I heard him call out to Sten to find me clothing and to be quick about it.

"What were you possibly thinking? You are a stubborn, stubborn woman," berated Alistair as he shook me like a disobedient child. My head could not support its weight, as it lulled around, no stronger than a newborn child did.

"Alistair, you don't look too well," I observed through my good eye. Alistair's beautiful face seemed to move further and further away. I reached out feebly, "Zap! Frog time!" I blacked out.

_Are you really here?_

_Or am I dreaming._

_I can't tell dreams for truth,_

_For it's been so long_

_Since I have seen you._

_I can hardly remember your face anymore._

_When I get lonely_

_And the distance calls,_

_It's only silence._

"Pashara?" I woke up to Sten's big head looming over me.

"Bring me any cookies?" I croaked my throat hoarser than before.

Sten held the water skin to my parched lips. I choked on its meager contents. During my blackout they, probably Alistair, had dressed me in my own armor. It had been hastily thrown on and it chafed, causing blood to pool around reopened cuts and wounds.

My good eye searched out Alistair. He was at my feet attempting to pull on my boots. The look in his eyes was more than I could bear, "Looks like no dancing for me," I tried to make light of the situation.

Alistair had found the worst of my torture. It had not taken long for the hot pokers to make quick work of my feet. Sten took control. He grabbed my boots from Alistair and shoved them onto my bloody feet. The pain was unbearable. I'm sure I blacked out again.

Sten unceremoniously hoisted me up while I unceremoniously wretched the remaining contents of my stomach on the floor in front of me. Then Sten grabbed my face between his big hands and studied me, "The irony of this moment is not lost to me."

I was handed over to Alistair by the big, mean qunari. My body was not my own. It belonged to a rag doll the way it flopped around in Alistair's inviolable embrace. If it were at all possible, Alistair looked more stoic than Sten ever did.

I flipped my head to the good side and gave Alistair a toothy grin, "I've been told I clean up quite nicely. Trust me."

I wonder if we set some precedence for future prison breaks, as there was very little opposition. We broke through the main doors of the battlement. Sten, in berserker form, charged and waved his giant qunari sword like a mad man. Alistair held up his shield and used it like a battering ram against approaching foes. Me, I was trussed over Alistair's broad shoulder like a winter's solstice goose. I had a good view of our rear while Alistair had a firm hold on mine. I reached new levels of awareness as I lapsed in and out of unconsciousness with each charring step. I could never be sure of such things from my vantage point, but it seemed like their plan worked. Then again, perhaps it was the smell.

* * *

_*If You Want Me - Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova_


	17. Finding My Way

_I had this wonderful thought to write another section in one large chapter. Problem is...I had a melt-down. Life on the homefront sucks. So, I thought it best to post what I had. I am sorry that it is short and maybe not so great. I am working on the last part of this chapter as we speak. I knew this transition stuff was going to be hard. I just didn't realize how hard. _

_An special appreciation goes out of my intimate fan base who have stayed with me up to the end. You are awesome. I pray God blesses you in everything that you do. _

_Please hang in there we are there...soon it will be about Nate!_

* * *

**Chapter 17**

**Finding My Way**

_(Chandra)_

"You had me so afraid," Alistair leaned across the bed and gently kissed my forehead, "How do you feel?"

"Quite naked," I let the covers slip to my waist.

"Heyyy! Not fair," Alistair dropped his gaze lower, "You're in no condition to…"

I cupped my breasts and gave them a gentle squeeze, "Do you find them to your liking?"

I smiled winsomely as Alistair's hands squeezed spasmodically at his sides, "I-I….um…yes," he scratched the back of his head, "Are you sure?"

"Positive," I flung the covers aside.

Alistair' hands flew to the straps on his armor, his chest piece dropped to floor in a twang, "What about the…"

"Don't be such a worry-wart," I chided.

I put my hand over my mouth to suppress a giggle as I watched Alistair jump around like a nug, "Andraste's flaming knickers, these greaves are made for war not making love to my wife."

"Wife! Are you…_proposing_," I faltered, stumbling over the word, "To me, Alistair Theirin?"

"Why wouldn't I want to marry the lady of my heart?" Alistair dove into bed beside me completely in the buff, "Is that a yes," he questioned, his lips quirked in that lopsided smile I was so fond of.

"Yes!" I threw my arms around his neck, "A thousand times, yes," I cried as I planted kisses on his handsome face.

"I love you, Chandra," he caressed the side of my face with the back of his hand then kissed me long and hard.

"Oh, Alistair," I wept, "I love you so much."

"I know," he murmured in the hollow my neck. His thumbs made tiny swirling motions as they traveled down my body causing me to arch against him. They came to rest on my sensitive breasts. He cupped each one with his hands and tested their weight, "Perfect."

"Mmm," I wound my hands in his hair, "I never thought loving you could hurt so much, but be so wonderful."

He looked up and smiled wistfully, "I could never hurt you, my love…you're everything to me." He bent back down to place tender kisses across my swollen abdomen, "After all you carry my child," his hands rested tentatively on my pregnant belly.

"Alistair," I screamed as the bed gave way and I fell back.

Bolts of arcane lightening exploded around me as my world spun wildly out of control.

* * *

_(Alistair)_

"Alistair," Chandra screamed my name as she rose up out of bed.

I was instantly at her side, "You're awake!"

Her body arced upward as lightening detonated from within her, the room exploded with streams of electricity. Her head whipped forward then back as it scended through her body.

"Chandra," I caught her before she fell and cradled her to my chest, "I'm hear, my love."

"Alistair, the physician is…," Leliana jumped back to escape the forked thunderbolt of light as she entered the room, "What's happening to…"

I clenched my teeth against the pain as a charge of electricity surged through my body, "Get Morrigan!"

* * *

_(Chandra)_

Earth and sky encroached on each other at an accelerated state, pressing down upon me. I rose from my crouched position to stand stationary in the hallow chasm. Bioluminescence light highlighted the razor sharp edges of the adjoining cliffs that rose above me.

The Archedemon's large scaly head snaked around until it faced me, "You are one of us now," its gnarled through jutted knifelike teeth. She was perched on a jagged ledge high above me. Her coriaceous wings were folded back, shrouding her in villainy.

"I would rather die," I lifted my chin defiantly, "than become one of your vile abominations."

"It's too late for that," the dragon almost jeered as her black eyes skimmed over me.

"No," I cried as I lifted both of my arms, staring at them incongruously. I turned them this way and that. They were covered with brown leathery patches of skin that started at my wrists, running the full length of my arms.

"They belong to us as well," its forked tongue flickered near my rounded belly.

I clutched at my stomach that was swollen with pregnancy. A spasm rippled through my body bringing me to my knees, "Never!"

* * *

_(Alistair)_

"Hold her hands down, fool," Morrigan snapped, "Before she brings down the whole manner."

"What can I do?" her body rocked against me with another spasm, "I'll do anything."

Her thinly arched brow rose in conjecture, "Anything?"

"Anything," I murmured, "You have my word. Just save her."

The marsh witch crossed her arms and looked down her nose, "I presume you still know how to be the templar you once were?"

_

* * *

_

_(Chandra)_

I awoke to a cool hand pressing down on my forehead, my eyes fluttered open, "Wynne?"

"Yes, child," she smiled tenderly.

I looked around furtively, "Where's Alistair?"

"I sent him away…he needed to get some rest," she continued to watch me with that patient knowing look, "Just like you still do, dear."

"No, you don't understand," I sat up and flung my feet over the edge of the bed, "I have to tell him…"

"Whatever it is, I'm sure it can wait," she pushed me down and placed the covers back over me.

"No!" I clutched at her hands, "It can't…you don't understand."

"I'm sure I do," she forced a smile, "I am worried about you both."

"You know nothing of us," I spoke out angrily, "Now let me up, old woman."

"I know there is great potential for tragedy here," she said solemnly.

* * *

"I assume she's improved," questioned Eamon. His voice sounded short and strained, even behind the closed doors of his library.

I pressed my body closer to the wall. I had hoped to avoid detection as I listened in on Alistair's conversation with his uncle. Pangs of sadness stabbed at my heart when I heard Alistair's uneasiness, "She's alive, if that's what you're asking?"

There was a rustling of papers then a pause, "I can't say that I don't have my doubts about her."

"Is this more about your son or the current circumstances?" Alistair's voice sounded tired and withdrawn.

"What she's done, of course. She's left us with quite a mess to cleanup, killing Rendan like she did."

"Don't forget he held and tortured people against their will," Alistair maintained.

Eamon cleared his throat then continued, "He was still a noble and deserved a trial." I covered my mouth to keep from speaking out in my defense against the old fool.

"He deserved what he got," Alistair shot back.

"She has made a mockery of you, Alistair. It will be a wonder, if we can salvage the Landsmeet."

"I say let Anora keep her crown, I didn't sign up for this any way," Alistair spoke out angrily and then there was the heavy footfall of steps.

* * *

_(Alistair)_

I threw up my hands in exasperation and stormed out the door of my uncle's study. I had had enough of his ranting and wanted nothing more than to see Chandra, but Wynne had ordered me to bed. I should have listened to her. I turned the corner and nearly mowed over the one I longed to see, "Chandra…" I picked her up and twirled her around, "You're awake! Wait one minute…you should be in bed resting."

She wrapped her arms around my neck, "I-I didn't want you to worry. I'm really quite better."

I hugged her tightly to me before I let her feet touch the ground, "You and I know better than that," I cocked my head to the side and smiled down at her, "When are you going to start trusting me?"

"As soon as you kiss me," she tilted her head back and waited.

I ran my hand up her spine until it rested on the back of her head, "I wish it were that easy," my lips slashed across hers, knowing and needing, "Promise that you'll never leave me like that again."

She rested her hands atop my shoulders, "You know that's not possible."

"I can't do this again," her hands clutched at my forearms as I shook her, "I can loose you again."

"But..you haven't lost me," she insisted, "I won't leave you. As long as you have need of me…I'll be here for you."

"Are you still out there, Alistair?" I heard the doorknob turn on my uncle's study.

I held her at my side ad stepped forward, "Let's get out of here," I suggested as she stumbled and fell, "You're not ok," I picked her up and carried her back to her chamber.

She wound one arm around my neck for support and touched the side of my face with the other, "I'm just a little tired," she admitted wryly, "Perhaps, if you tuck me in…"

I touched my lips to the top of her head and gently kissed her, "I don't want to be king, Chandra," my voice cracked, "Especially, if it means losing you."

"But you must," she smiled for encouragement, "Ferelden is counting on us…on you, Alistair."


	18. Mighty Are the Fallen

_I would like to send a couple of shouts of my ff friends. Not only have they been there to support me and push me, they are wonderful writers themselves. _

_Enaid Aderyn - Up on the Roof (her recent story from the Archedemon's point-of-view). She is quick witted and has made 'one shots' emotionally stimulating and fulfilling._

_Violet Therin - Rose of the Alienage and Thorns (I loved her post Alistair). Her writing is very endearing and thoughtful._

_zevgirl - Duty's Burden (Interesting relationshp between pc/Zev/Alistair). Her writing is quickwitted and visual._

_Ladyamesindy - I can't keep up with all her writings. You feel like you're there. Stunning and visual. _

_Thank you to Jugalette Penner, zevgirl and Enaid Aderyn...for your last reviews they got me over a hump and through a little more stuff more personal._

_Shacary, don't give up. I'm back to writing. Faster!_

_jen 4306, we're almost there. Believe it or not...Nate is around the corner. Whew!_

_For anybody that I have not thanked (you have put me on you're ff Favs and alerts and have even written reviews) - Thank you from the bottom of my heart._

_Sorry this chapter is a little short, but my son said I should end it hanging and wanting more. I hope he's right!_

_For everyone else that is following this story- thank you for keeping up and hanging in there. _

_God Bless! galesong1234_

* * *

**Chapter 18**

**Mighty Are the Fallen**

_(Chandra)_

"South Reach stands with the Grey Warden!"

"Waking Seas stands with the Grey Warden!"

"The Western Hills throws their lot in with the Wardens. Maker help us."

One-by-one Ferelden's nobles cast their lots in with us. I turned and regarded the Regent, "The Landsmeet is against you, Loghain. Step down gracefully."

Loghain looked around him and angrily addressed the nobles, "Traitors! Which of you stood against the Orlesian emperor when his troops flattened your fields and raped your wives?"

"Call off your men and we'll settle this honorably," I warned.

Loghain directed his attention to Alistair, "Then let us test the mettle of our would be king. Prepare yourself!"

There was a gasp from the throng of Fereldens as the two men circled in a final showdown. Loghain and Alistair stared each other down, each step calculating and lethal as they sized the other one up. One man a seasoned warrior and the other, youthful and energetic. Both were able to wield their sword and shield with deadly precision.

Loghain's sword scraped its sheath in a slow hiss as he raised it before him. He threw his head back and unleashed a raucous battle cry before he charged. Alistair was momentarily stunned as the seasoned warrior brought down his sword in a large arc. Alistair stumbled back to evade the blow with barely enough time to withdraw his own sword. Pound! Pound! Pound! Alistair pushed back with his shield. The older man took each hit solidly, blocking with his own shield. Loghain's sword fanned out deflecting the tip of Alaistair's sword as he lunged forward. Alistair fell back into the crowd. Loghain pivoted and brought the blunt end of his sword down on Alistair's back. Alistair fell to the ground. A swoosh of air escaped as he grunted in pain.

A woman cried. Several guards cheered. The battle played out. Someone had something to gain. Someone else had something to lose. The safety of Ferelden would be determined by the fate of the victor. I prayed that victor would be Alistair. My hands flexed tightly at my sides. I held the power to sway the outcome, but was intentionally helpless to do so. This was Alistair's fight. I could not intervene with my magic, not even to heal him.

Alistair rolled away in time to avoid another strike from Loghain. Blood rushed in my ears as I continued to hold my breath, waiting, watching and hoping. Slice, pound, jab, Loghain swooped down on Alistair with his sword and shield continuously beating Alistair to the ground.

Loghain pulled back for another blow. Alistair took the advantage and kicked him back then rolled to his feet. Loghain regained his lost momentum and whipped his sword across Alistair's exposed thigh. Alistair grunted in pain as his leg buckled beneath him. I touched my hand to my cheek then withdrew it. My hand was wet and sticky with Alistair's blood. I was so close that I could reach out, if only.

I watched in horror as Alistair scurried to get up as he crawled to the raised dais with Loghain in hot pursuit.

My heart pounded its silent chant, "Get up. Please, just get up, Alistair."

Loghain cut through air. Alistair slashed with his own blade. Sparks flew as metal scraped across metal. My cheeks puffed out as I slowly expelled the air I had been holding knowing that Alistair was safe, if only for the moment.

"Get up," my lips silently worked.

Loghain continued to hammer down, each strike closer to its mark. Alistair raised his arm to block. The shield chimed against the deafening blows, each reverberating sound hitting closer to the truth, that Alistair was quickly tiring and it would be over soon.

Loghain slammed his shield into Alistair's shoulder. Alistair screamed out in pain. My heart skipped a beat. Alistair's arm, still attached to the puckered shield, fell motionless to his side. Loghain shred through the air catching the edge of his blade across Alistair's face.

"Get up," I screamed!


	19. Frozen

_Grrrgh, had some computer difficulties this week. I had to buy a new monitor. Money, money, money! But that is not my excuse for these smaller chapters. Frankly, they've just been harder to write. I am so looking forward to meeting up with Nate._

_Now that I wined and have gotten over wanting to bang my head against a stone, I would like to thank zevgril, Enaid Aderyn, jen4306, Shacary and JugalettePENNER for your reviews. They made me smile and my son laugh. Thank you for that thoughtful gift. As always, thank you to all my ff fans. To the few, the proud and the elite - you're awesome people for hanging in there. Thank you!_

_It is very late and I have to be at work. Without any further ado..._

* * *

**Chapter 19**

**Frozen**

A low hum ignited from the crowd, growing louder with each hammering of the Loghain's shield. A few called for the Warden's death while most called for mercy. I was no different, "Please! Oh please…just get up!"

All the pleading and begging in the world made no difference as I watched helplessly by the sidelines. Alistair lay across the throne bruised and bloodied gasping for air. His breaths were short and ragged as he fought to stay conscious. My nails bit into the palms of my hands until they bled while my heart felt like it was going to explode. Yet, I still could not tare my eyes away as I watched the events unfold.

Loghain's lips curled back in a viscious snarl as he flung his shield away from him. He lifted his blade high above him with both hands laced around the hilt, his eyes aflame with triumphant glee. People crowded around. All eyes were fixed on the two men. Alistair lay there motionless as frozen as time itself.

Loghain plunged his blade forward its target, Alistair's heart. Boldly, it advanced through the air in a large arc. Alistair kicked out with his uninjured leg. It was a brash move, but it gained him time. Those few precious moments that made the difference between his life and Loghain's death.

With his arm still entangled in the shield, Alistair rolled to the side using the momentum to propel his body upward and his shield outward. Logain's blade smashed into the floor while Alistair's shield collided with the Regent's head. Loghain's head jerked to the side then back. Alistair followed through with his sword as he embedded it cleanly between two ribs.

Loghain looked down, staring unwittingly at the sword that protruded just below his chest. A slow smile crept into his face, content with the knowledge that his beloved Ferelden was safe, "So…there is some of Maric in you after all."

Before I could stop him or say anything that would sway his vengeful course, with the last vestiges of strength, Alistair ripped his blade from his enemy's chest, "Forget Maric," he swung back, "This is for Duncan!" slashing across the half dead man's throat.

Blood sprayed, showering the forgotten queen that stood helpless by. Her father's body splashed to the ground as he breathed his final declaration, "Gooood."

Eamon's voice rung loud and clear, "It's decided, Alistair will take his father's throne."

A cheer went up amongst the nobles, free men and serfs alike. They crowded around Alistair and the slain Loghain, closing the gap and shutting me out.

Somebody else yelled, "Long lives King Alistair!" and more cheers went up.

A new found hope floated in the murmurs of the people. The air became stifling as they crowded closer, boxing Alistair in and keeping me out. I stood on my tiptoes to glimpse the new king, only to be knocked into someone behind me.

Then I heard him "Wait, what? No!" in a thin wavering voice ragged and torn, Chandra!"

"Alistair," I shouted.

"Chandra," he called out more tenuous.

I pushed my way forward elbowing anyone in my way, "Alistair, I'm coming!"

Blood oozed from his temple where he had been slashed by Loghain's blade, just above the right eye that was swollen shut. He looked around confused. My heart yearned for the loss that I knew was to come. I reached through the crowd and touched his hand, "I'm here."

He couldn't see me, "Chandra?"

I was instantly at his side, "Yes, my love."

Alistair staggered back, trying to balance on one leg. I caught him before he fell and offered my shoulder for support. He grabbed my waist and dragged me to him, "Chandra," it was a desperate plea, "Stop this…"

"I can't," I cried as I touched the side of his beautiful bloodied face, "I love you."


	20. My Lover and My King

_This chapter has been a year in the making. I am very sorry for the delay. I have suffered thru some emotional loss and divorce. I am back and I hope with a vengeance. It has been a rough year and so has Chandra and Alistair._

_I would like to thank Evilblood for adding my to her ff fav and her review. Thank you very much you made the difference for me not giving up on this story. _

_**Chapter 20**_

**My Lover and My King**

What is a moment? Was it a split second in time to change the course of events or influence the one most dear to my heart? A moment was all I needed, but didn't have. Before I knew it I was on one knee bowing before him, "I am yours to command, my king. What is your bidding?"

Seconds past and my heart began to beat wildly in my chest. I looked up into the face of my lover and my king. The boyish grin of uncertainty had been replaced with cold hard indifference. I knew then that I had condemned us both with the folly of my decision.

I tried to swallow back the hard lump that lodged itself in my throat, but it was too late. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. All I could do was react. The corners of my eyes began to swell and fill. I didn't try to stop the emotions that fountained from my eyes, then again, I really didn't have a choice.

I wanted to whisper a thousand apologies to him as I knelt numbly in front of him. He took my hand in his and helped me up. His calloused hand that once caressed my body, lingered in mine for only a moment. "I love you," I mouthed in silent supplication.

I'll never forget what he said next, "Would you take Loghain's place and lead our armies against the blight."

It wasn't the request that bothered me. I would gladly do anything he asked of me. No, it was the flat emotionless tone he addressed me in. It hinted nothing of the intimacy that bound us together, but rather of propriety as a king addresses one of his subjects.

His eyes widened and a soft sigh passed through his lips when he opened his mouth to speak. I contemplated at what he might say. Would it be about my declaration of love or the acceptance of his impending servitude? I waited patiently for him to find the words. His answer would not be forthcoming as he slipped through my arms to fall at my feet.

"We forgot about the queen," it was an absent-minded thought spoken aloud with the realization that things were not as they should be.

They say that time stands still for no man. What about a woman? In the time it took to sneeze or hold one's breath, it did just that. Chaos gave way to mayhem and all Theadus knew that the newly appointed king had been assassinated. It played out like a beautiful waltz, dazzling and spectacular.

My pathetic mind attempted to piece together the dreadful events as I reached furtively for my love. Somebody screamed and the crowd parted. Guards swarmed around me and Alistair's limp body was whisked away.

I gazed at my outstretched hands, neither seeing nor wanting to believe. They were open and covered with blood – his blood. My hands were the altar and Alistair had become the sacrifice.

The lament was disheartening as it rang high above the rafters, causing the finches to stir and flee their nests. It was a reciprocal between a keening and a battle cry and it was coming from me.


End file.
